“Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”
Ephesians 4:31-32 (NIV) Too many of us don’t really understand what forgiveness is. I’m convinced that if more people knew what real forgiveness looked like, they’d be much more willing to forgive instead of holding on to past hurts at an unhealthy level. The Bible clearly calls us to forgive others. Galatians 6:1 says, “Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently” (NIV). So if God expects us to forgive others, what does healthy, biblical forgiveness look like? Here’s a four-part process that we should walk through as we’re dealing with pain brought upon by others. First, recognize no one is perfect. When we hate somebody, we tend to lose our perspective about that person. When we’re filled with resentment and bitterness and hurt, we tend to dehumanize the offender. But we’re all in the same boat. The Bible says, “Not a single person on earth is always good and never sins” (Ecclesiastes 7:20 NLT). We’re all imperfect. Next, relinquish your right to get even. This is the heart of forgiveness. The Bible says, “Never avenge yourselves. Leave that to God, for he has said that he will repay those who deserve it” (Romans 12:19 TLB). You may feel like you have the right to retaliate, but you must commit to not doing so. It may not seem fair, but it’s healthy. And this isn’t a one-time decision but a daily one that may even require moment-by-moment decisions. Then, respond to evil with good. It’s nearly impossible to do this without God’s help. You’ll need the love of Jesus to fill you up. Why? Because God’s love doesn’t keep track of wrongs (see 1 Corinthians 13). Finally, refocus on God’s plan for your life. You stop focusing on the hurt and the person who hurt you. Instead, you refocus on God’s purpose for your life, which is greater than any problem or pain you might be currently facing. As long as you continue to focus on the person who has hurt you, that person controls you. In fact, if you don’t release your offender, you will begin to resemble your offender. Don’t spend another day in your resentment. If you’ve been holding on to pain caused by someone else, go through these four steps and move on to the rest of the life you were created to live!
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“Do to others as you would have them do to you.”
Luke 6:31 (NIV) One of the greatest tests of your character is how you treat people who are trying to serve you. Whether it’s a waitress, a waiter, a clerk, an employee, a secretary, your children, or your spouse, how you treat those who serve you tells me a great deal about you. An indicator might be when you go to restaurants. How do you interact with the server? If you're rude and demanding in those situations, there's likely a flaw to address. Jesus tells us, “Do to others as you would have them do to you” (Luke 6:31 NIV). That may be the simplest yet most important character test in the Bible. Social psychologist Eric Hoffer once said, “Rudeness is the weak man’s imitation of strength.” It takes no intelligence at all to be rude. The best place to practice this important character trait of respect is at home. More marriages are ruined by rudeness than anything else. It's amazing how many marriages are buried by one little dig after another. Have you noticed that sometimes we’re the most disrespectful to the people we care about the most? Our homes should be safe places to express our emotions and practice forgiveness and grace—but they are too often the place where we think we can get away with the most unkindness. I know people who treat their families in ways they would never treat a stranger. Yet even in our families--especially in our families—we need to be understanding, not demanding, and forgiving, not finding fault. Courtesy is just love in the little things. It’s showing grace, because we understand there are hidden hurts everywhere. It’s showing respect for people by being kind, even in the smallest areas of our lives. “Show proper respect to everyone.”
1 Peter 2:17 (NIV) Respect has become an endangered value. Yet the Bible makes it clear that stable families—and stable societies—are built around respect. The Bible commands us to honor our parents, respect civil authority, and respect church leaders. Wives are called to respect husbands in Ephesians. In the book of 1 Peter, husbands are called to respect wives. Just to make it clear that God leaves no one out, the Bible also says, “Show proper respect to everyone” (1 Peter 2:17 NIV). Everyone, regardless of beliefs or behaviors, is worthy of respect. Why? God made everyone. Psalm 8:5 says, “You made them inferior only to yourself; you crowned them with glory and honor” (GNT). God doesn’t make junk. No one is worthless. People make wrong decisions, but they are still valuable to God. Even the most unlovable person in the world is loved by God. When you show someone respect, you show them their value as God’s creation. Jesus died for everyone. The Bible says, “God paid a ransom to save you . . . he paid for you with the precious lifeblood of Christ” (1 Peter 1:18-19 TLB). You may not place much value in certain people, but God does. In fact, he says every person you meet is worth dying for. Doesn’t that change the way you look at people? It shows you know God. The Bible tells us that God is love. If you know God, then you’ll fill your life with love. The Bible says, “If a person isn’t loving and kind, it shows that he doesn’t know God—for God is love” (1 John 4:8 TLB). Love always treats people with respect. You’ll get back whatever you give out. It’s the law of the harvest. Whatever goes around comes around. If you want to be respected, then treat other people with respect. Galatians 6:7 says, “You will always harvest what you plant” (NLT). By learning to love each other, we become “eager to show respect for one another” (Romans 12:10 GNT). You’ll more easily respect others when you recognize what God has done for them and try to love them more like he does. “Seek first God’s kingdom and what God wants. Then all your other needs will be met as well.”
Matthew 6:33 (NCV) If you want to live a truly balanced life, you can only look at one person in all of history as your model: Jesus. When you put him at the center of your life, your life will be more balanced. Think of your life like a wheel. The center of the wheel is a hub. All of the spokes of your life (which represent your relationships, your family, your career, your goals, and so on) come from that hub. We all build our lives around some sort of hub. The question is, what will be your hub? Will it be your family? Will it be your career? Will it be money? Or will it be Jesus? How do you know what you’re building your life around? Take a look at whatever you think about the most. That’s what is driving you. The center of your life is critical to developing a balanced life. A solid center leads to a solid life. A weak, flimsy center leads to a weak life. When people tell me their lives are coming unglued, it usually means one thing: They have a faulty center. Something other than God has taken priority in their lives. Not only does the hub create stability, but it also controls and influences everything else about your life. Whatever you put at the center of your life will also be your source of power. The power of a wheel always emanates from the center outward—never the other way around. Make Jesus the hub of your life, and he’ll provide the stability, control, and power you need. The Bible says, “Seek first God’s kingdom and what God wants. Then all your other needs will be met as well” (Matthew 6:33 NCV). When you choose to put Jesus at the center, all the other areas of your life—from your family to your career to your goals—will find balance in him. He will direct your life, empower it, and give it stability. “I have also learned why people work so hard to succeed: it is because they envy the things their neighbors have. But it is useless. It is like chasing the wind.”
Ecclesiastes 4:4 (GNT) We can come up with many excuses for overworking. Sometimes we blame it on needing to provide for our family. Other times we insist our work is so important that to slow down would be negligent. But usually, it’s a values problem. We start valuing the wrong things. Specifically, we value the acquisition of stuff above all else. The Bible says, “I have also learned why people work so hard to succeed: it is because they envy the things their neighbors have. But it is useless. It is like chasing the wind” (Ecclesiastes 4:4 GNT). God says we have two options: We can either spend all our time keeping up with the Joneses, or we can forget them and reduce our stress level—but we can’t have both. That’s how this becomes a question of values. Do you want more stuff, or do you want less stress and more time with your family and friends? The choice is yours. Jesus said it like this: “What good is it for someone to gain the whole world, yet forfeit their soul?” (Mark 8:36 NIV). Or, “What good is it to become president of your company but lose your kids or your spouse?” The simple answer? It’s not good at all. Your work and your worth are two different things. Maybe you grew up being told you’re worthless, and you’re out in the workplace trying to prove everyone wrong. In the back of your mind, you’re telling yourself, “I’m going to show them. I’m going to prove them wrong.” You work harder and harder, but no matter how hard you work, it’s never enough. Just about the time you start to relax, you hear a haunting voice telling you, “Keep pedaling. Somebody’s catching up!” You need to get rid of the voice. It’s feeding you a lie. A pastor sat by many bedsides as people died. He's seen many people take their last breath, sometimes at a hospital, sometimes in a home, and sometimes at the scene of an accident. Among all of the people he's watched die in his life, he's never heard anyone say with their dying breath, “I wish I’d spent more time at the office.” Not one. Don’t you think it’s time to adjust your values? Get out of the rat race. “If you become angry, do not let your anger lead you into sin.”
Ephesians 4:26 (GNT) We all get angry from time to time. We may handle it differently, but none of us can escape the emotion entirely. But just because we get angry doesn’t mean we’re sinning. The Bible says, “If you become angry, do not let your anger lead you into sin” (Ephesians 4:26 GNT). Paul tells us in this passage not to let our anger lead us into sin. That means that anger isn’t necessarily sin. The truth is, we can deal with our anger in both appropriate and inappropriate ways. Unfortunately, many of us express our anger in ways that get us further from our goals instead of moving us closer to them. For example, here are three things to avoid when you’re angry: Don’t suppress your anger. Don’t store it up inside. When you suppress anger without expressing it in proper ways, it’s like taking a soft drink bottle and shaking it up. One day it’s going to pop! It’ll impact your body eventually. Doctors tell us a number of physical ailments are often brought on by suppressed anger. Don’t repress anger. When you repress your anger, you simply deny it’s there. Deny your anger often enough, and you’ll be depressed. When I used to do more counseling, I’d hear many people tell me they were depressed, but they were really just angry. They thought that Christians should never get angry, so they bottled it up inside. Denying anger is a sin. It’s called lying. Don’t express your anger in inappropriate ways. We can express anger in a variety of inappropriate ways. We pout, spit sarcasm, manipulate, or do something stupid. None of those approaches get us anywhere near the result we’re looking for. So what should we do with our anger? Confess it. You don’t just admit the anger, but you also admit the cause. You tell God—and whoever you’re angry with—that you’re frustrated or you feel threatened. The more honest you can be in your relationships, the easier it will be to get to the root causes of your anger. Here’s the good news about your anger: You may have grown up in a home where anger was consistently expressed in inappropriate ways. Inappropriate anger is learned, but it can be unlearned too. You don’t have to stay the same. You can start changing how you deal with anger today! “We know the love that God has for us, and we trust that love . . . because God’s perfect love drives out fear.”
1 John 4:16, 18 (NCV) In asking people about why they don’t fully trust God, it's usually one of three things: People are afraid that if they give their lives fully to God, they’ll lose their freedom, they’ll lose their fun, or God will turn them into some kind of religious fanatic. None of that sounds inviting! The bottom line is, people are afraid. We’re afraid to trust God completely. Yet God has an answer for our fear of trusting him. The Bible says, “We know the love that God has for us, and we trust that love . . . because God’s perfect love drives out fear” (1 John 4:16, 18 NCV). God loves you. You were created as an act of his love. Over and over in the Bible, God makes this clear. God thought you up and created you to love you and to let you love him. The greatest expression of God’s love is Jesus. God came to earth in the form of a human being to show us what he is really like. He then showed us how much he loved us by dying on the cross. The cross tells us once and for all that we can fully trust God. We can trust him with our lives because he gave his Son’s life for us. If God is telling the truth in his Word that he loves you, then you know he won’t take away your freedom or your fun or turn you into a fanatic. God isn’t a cosmic killjoy. He’s your heavenly Father. The more you know God, the more you trust him. Why? Because you’ll see all around you—in his Word, in your life, and in the world he created—all the evidence of how much he loves you. And as your love for him grows, your fear will diminish. “Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the LORD our God.”
Psalm 20:7 (NIV) Everyone trusts something. The question is, in what—or in whom—do you place your trust? Our society tends to spurn trust—or at least we say we do. We’re skeptical of everyone and everything. We don’t trust the government or journalists. Employees don’t trust employers. Customers don’t trust businesses. We don’t even trust the weather report! When you get down to the bottom of the decline of trust today, you’ll find that our society’s “truth decay” is a big part of it. Truth and trust go together. You trust people who tell you the truth. You don’t trust people if you don’t think they’re telling you the truth. And if you don’t believe in absolute truth, then you can’t trust anyone to tell you the truth. Our lack of trust causes us tremendous stress in life. We were born to trust. God wired us with the capacity and desire to trust in something greater than ourselves, because he wanted us to have a relationship with him. If you don’t trust God, then you will create something else to trust. It may be a diploma on the wall, money in the bank, your spouse, your career, or a hobby. This desire to trust in something larger than ourselves is nothing new. The biblical writers were keenly aware of it in their cultures as well. The Bible says in Psalm 20:7, “Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the LORD our God” (NIV). The Bible has a word for whatever we place our trust in rather than God. The Bible calls it an “idol.” God’s Word says that, for our own good, we need to stay away from idols: “For your own good . . . do not sin by making for yourselves an idol in any form” (Deuteronomy 4:15-16 GNT). So, how can you know truth? You spend time reading and studying and meditating on Scripture. You learn what truth is by getting to know a person, Jesus Christ. As you do, you’ll find the most secure place for your trust and a foundation for life. “A wise person is hungry for knowledge, while the fool feeds on trash.”
Proverbs 15:14 (NLT) Our minds control everything else about us. Our thoughts influence our feelings. And our feelings impact our actions. What you think matters, because everything starts in the mind. To be a responsible person, you have to control your thoughts. But let me relieve you of some false guilt: You’re not responsible for every stray thought that passes through your mind. Stray thoughts enter our minds for a variety of reasons, like conversations you hear by accident, things you see, or stuff the Devil puts in your mind. You’re responsible for how you deal with those stray thoughts. Martin Luther said it like this: “You can’t keep the birds from flying over your head, but you can keep them from building a nest in your hair.” God will hold you accountable for what you allow to enter your mind. It's amazing what some people watch—not to mention what they let their children watch. Many followers of Jesus spend their time watching TV shows and listening to podcasts that have absolutely no moral, emotional, or educational value. They pay good money to see deviant behavior as entertainment. People watching such shows have told me, “When I go see those kinds of things, it just doesn’t phase me. It doesn’t bother me. It doesn’t affect me.” But that’s just not true! Scientists have done study after study that says you never really forget any scene you see. Even if you don’t consciously recall the scene, that idea will come right back to your mind—in living color—when something else stimulates the thought. In other words, “Garbage in, garbage out.” What you put into your mind will inevitably bear fruit in your behavior and beliefs. In fact, when cheap entertainment doesn’t bother you anymore, it’s a warning light that you’ve already passed the threshold. One of Satan’s greatest tricks for attracting you to sinful lifestyles is comedy. That’s why on TV or in movies, deviant behavior often starts in a comedic situation. If Satan can get you laughing at something that is sinful, then you’ve already lost the battle. Sin isn’t funny. Sin put Jesus on the cross. Proverbs 15:14 says, “A wise person is hungry for knowledge, while the fool feeds on trash” (NLT). Are you hungry for more knowledge of God, or are you content to keep a steady diet of entertainment that breaks his heart? You have the power to decide what you feed your mind. “A man who refuses to admit his mistakes can never be successful. But if he confesses and forsakes them, he gets another chance.”
Proverbs 28:13 (TLB) God is always ready to give you another chance. That’s a foundational piece of Christianity. We’ve all been irresponsible. We’ve all messed up. The Bible tells us, “Not a single person on earth is always good and never sins” (Ecclesiastes 7:20 NLT). You’re not meant to go through life with a guilt trip about all the ways you’ve been irresponsible. Guilt destroys your confidence, damages your relationships, keeps you stuck in the past, and even hurts your health. A report a few years back said 70 percent of people in the hospital could leave if they knew how to resolve their guilt. God wants far better for your life than that. You don’t want to live with guilt. And here’s an important truth to always hang on to: You don’t have to. Instead, God wants you to live with a sense of promise and hope. He can even bring good out of the foolish decisions that you’ve made if you’ll give those failures to him. How do you do that? Admit to God you’ve made a mistake. It doesn’t surprise him. And it won’t change his perception of you. When you take this step, here’s what you can expect from him: God forgives instantly. The very moment you admit your sin to God, he forgives you. God forgives freely. You don’t need to earn it, and you’ll never deserve it. God forgives completely. He wipes your sin absolutely clean. The Bible promises that a “man who refuses to admit his mistakes can never be successful. But if he confesses and forsakes them, he gets another chance” (Proverbs 28:13 TLB). If you’re mired in guilt and shame, then you’ll likely perpetuate whatever problem you have. You’ll tell yourself that you blew it, so you’re bad. Since you’re bad, you believe you’ll blow it again. It’s a nasty cycle we often can’t seem to escape from—at least not on our own. You need a power beyond yourself. You need a Savior! You need to let go of your guilt and live in the freedom of God’s forgiveness. |
AuthorTaken from Daily Hope by Rick Warren. Categories
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