“Show proper respect to everyone.”
1 Peter 2:17 (NIV) Respect has become an endangered value. Yet the Bible makes it clear that stable families—and stable societies—are built around respect. The Bible commands us to honor our parents, respect civil authority, and respect church leaders. Wives are called to respect husbands in Ephesians. In the book of 1 Peter, husbands are called to respect wives. Just to make it clear that God leaves no one out, the Bible also says, “Show proper respect to everyone” (1 Peter 2:17 NIV). Everyone, regardless of beliefs or behaviors, is worthy of respect. Why? God made everyone. Psalm 8:5 says, “You made them inferior only to yourself; you crowned them with glory and honor” (GNT). God doesn’t make junk. No one is worthless. People make wrong decisions, but they are still valuable to God. Even the most unlovable person in the world is loved by God. When you show someone respect, you show them their value as God’s creation. Jesus died for everyone. The Bible says, “God paid a ransom to save you . . . he paid for you with the precious lifeblood of Christ” (1 Peter 1:18-19 TLB). You may not place much value in certain people, but God does. In fact, he says every person you meet is worth dying for. Doesn’t that change the way you look at people? It shows you know God. The Bible tells us that God is love. If you know God, then you’ll fill your life with love. The Bible says, “If a person isn’t loving and kind, it shows that he doesn’t know God—for God is love” (1 John 4:8 TLB). Love always treats people with respect. You’ll get back whatever you give out. It’s the law of the harvest. Whatever goes around comes around. If you want to be respected, then treat other people with respect. Galatians 6:7 says, “You will always harvest what you plant” (NLT). By learning to love each other, we become “eager to show respect for one another” (Romans 12:10 GNT). You’ll more easily respect others when you recognize what God has done for them and try to love them more like he does.
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“Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.”
Ephesians 4:29 (NIV) Sometimes our words are like a sledgehammer. We swing away without thinking, and suddenly we look around and realize a pile of relational rubble surrounds us. When you thoughtlessly sling your words around and tear people down, your relationships are going to suffer. But God wants you to use your words to build others up. Ephesians 4:29 says, “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen” (NIV). One reason we’re not effective with our words is we don’t realize how our mouths and words are powerful, God-given tools. We say things without thinking. And people remember them. Maybe you can still remember certain things people said to you in a careless way—even as far back as grade school. That’s how powerful words are. So when it comes to the words you say, think of them as a power tool and be extremely careful. In looking at an owner's manual of a power tool, you might consider how the use of a power tool relates to the words we choose to say. The directions generally say: 1. Know your power tool. 2. Keep guards in place. 3. Be careful around children. 4. Store idle tools when not in use. 5. Don’t overreach. 6. Never use in a volatile atmosphere. How can you use your mouth more carefully, so you are using it to build relationships and not to tear people down? 1. Stop excusing. Stop saying, “I didn’t really mean to say that” or “That’s just how I am before my first cup of coffee.” Realize that what you say impacts everybody around you. 2. Talk less. We often get in trouble because we just don’t know when to stop talking. If it’s a power tool, you shouldn’t have to use it as much, right? 3. Listen more. If you listen more, you can better understand people’s needs. 4. Start building. Let your first thoughts be, “What does this person need?” “How can I use a word of encouragement to build him up?” “What can I say to make a difference in her life?” Consider making this part of your morning prayers: “May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, LORD, my Rock and my Redeemer” (Psalm 19:14 NIV). “For the Holy Spirit, God’s gift, does not want you to be afraid of people, but to be wise and strong, and to love them and enjoy being with them.”
2 Timothy 1:7 (TLB) If you want to connect with someone, you need to be willing to take the first step. This often requires courage. Why? Because it’s fear that disconnects human beings. When we’re full of fear and anxiety, it’s difficult to get close to others. In fact, we back off. We’re afraid of being rejected, manipulated, vulnerable, or hurt. All these fears can cause us to stay disconnected in life. In the Garden of Eden, Adam and Eve gave us an example of what many of us do when we’re afraid. After they sinned, God came looking for Adam. And Adam told God, “I was afraid . . . so I hid” (Genesis 3:10 NIV). People have been doing that ever since. We’re afraid, so we hide. We hide our sins. We hide our true selves. We don’t let people know what we’re really like—because if we do and they don’t like us, we’ll face rejection. And so we pretend. Fear does three terrible things to relationships: Fear makes us defensive. When people point out our weaknesses, we retaliate and defend ourselves. Fear keeps us distant. We don’t let people get close to us. We withdraw. We hide our emotions. Fear makes us demanding. The more insecure we are, the more we attempt to control things. We try to have the last word in a relationship. We seek to dominate. So where do you get the courage to take the first step to connect with someone and go to a deeper level of intimacy? You get it from God’s Spirit in your life. The Bible says, “For the Holy Spirit, God’s gift, does not want you to be afraid of people, but to be wise and strong, and to love them and enjoy being with them” (2 Timothy 1:7 TLB). How do you know when you’re filled with God’s Spirit? You’re more courageous in your relationships. You love people. You enjoy being with them. You’re not afraid of them—because God’s Spirit is in your life. The Bible says that “God is love” (1 John 4:8 ESV) and that “love casts out all fear” (1 John 4:18 TLB). Is fear undermining your relationships? The more of God you have in your life, the less fear will have a hold on your life. “Look out for one another's interests, not just for your own.”
Philippians 2:4 (GNT) Selflessness brings out the best in others. It builds relationships. What does it mean to be selfless? It means you think a little less of yourself and a little more of others. The opposite of selflessness is selfishness—and it’s the number one cause of conflict and arguments. The Bible says, “What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you? You desire but do not have” (James 4:1-2 NIV). Self-centeredness destroys relationships. The problem is, being selfish is human nature. We naturally think about our own interests, our hurts, how we look, and how we feel. Even culture tells us, “Do what you think is best for you.” But the Bible says, “Look out for one another’s interests, not just for your own” (Philippians 2:4 GNT). What happens when you look out for others’ interests and not just your own? Not only will it transform your relationships, but it will also transform other people. It causes the other person to change, because you’re not the same person anymore, allowing them to relate to you in a different way. When you treat cranky, unlikable people with kindness, instead of treating them the way they deserve, they often transform into nice people. The greatest lesson in life is learning to be unselfish—but it won’t happen overnight. It’s going to take the rest of your life. The good news is, God doesn’t leave you all alone to learn how to be selfless. Romans 8:26 says, “The Holy Spirit helps us in our weakness” (NLT). Never stop making the effort to be more selfless. God’s Spirit is with you to help you break the cycle of selfishness! When you do, you will see transformation in all your relationships. “I never stop giving thanks for you as I mention you in my prayers.”
Ephesians 1:16 (ISV) There is no complicated secret to working well with others. You just have to learn to appreciate them! How do you appreciate them? It’s simple. First, you practice recognizing someone’s value and contribution. Then, you make a habit of telling them, “Thank you.” Nehemiah demonstrates four practical ways to show appreciation for others: Recognize individuals by name. When you thank the people in your life who are making a difference, don’t just say, “You all are doing a great job. Thanks!” Get specific, like Nehemiah did. He singled out 71 people for special appreciation and called each one by name. Recognize specific work. People feel appreciated when you point out the details of their work. Simply telling them they did a good job isn’t enough. It’s better to say, “I’m proud of you for doing this specific thing.” Nehemiah recognized the detailed work of the people. He said, “The Old City Gate was repaired by Joiada son of Paseah and Meshullam son of Besodeiah. They laid the beams, set up its doors, and installed its bolts and bars” (Nehemiah 3:6 NLT). The Bible shows that details matter! Recognize great attitude. It’s hard not to notice great attitudes in a world filled with bad attitudes. In Nehemiah 3:20, Nehemiah singles out one man for his great attitude: “Baruch . . . zealously repaired an additional section” (NLT). When you call attention to the passion and enthusiasm of others, it renews their energy and sparks new energy in others. You’ll end up having more people helping you with the vision God gives you. Recognize extra effort. A man named Meremoth was mentioned twice in Nehemiah for going above and beyond. First, he repaired the fish gate. Then, he “repaired another section” (Nehemiah 3:21 ISV). Nehemiah recognized Meremoth’s extra work and wanted others to notice too. You may have noticed many people in your life that have gone above and beyond to serve others and do their jobs well. You might experience great joy to point out their contributions and tell them how much they are appreciated. Sometimes it’s a conversation. Other times it might be a card or a note. But it can become a habit to notice the efforts and attitudes of others, recognize their perseverance, and encourage them to keep going. It takes practice to live with an attitude of gratitude and a spirit of appreciation. You can start practicing today! “Love has no fear, because perfect love expels all fear. If we are afraid . . . this shows that we have not fully experienced his perfect love.”
1 John 4:18 (NLT) Are your relationships characterized by freedom or by fear? If you’re like most people, you find yourself in a dilemma: You long to be close to other people, but you also fear being close. You want the freedom of intimacy with others, but you’re also scared to death of it. Fear often causes a battle for control in relationships. When you’re afraid, you’re insecure. And insecurity makes you try to control others—and resist efforts to be controlled! As a result, you can’t get close to other people because you’re just battling back and forth for control. So insecurity prevents intimacy and destroys your relationships. If insecurity destroys relationships, then what builds them? Love! Love builds relationships. The Bible says in 1 John 4:18, “Love has no fear, because perfect love expels all fear. If we are afraid, this . . . shows that we have not fully experienced his perfect love” (NLT). Love expels fear by taking the focus off of you and putting it on others. Focusing on the other person gives you the power to throw fear out of your life. How do you find that power to focus on other people? You start by realizing how much God loves you. The moment you begin to understand how much God loves you, you don’t have to prove yourself anymore. Because you’re secure in God’s love, you don’t have to spend your life trying to impress other people. Do you know how freeing and enjoyable it is to live life that way? When you’re secure in your relationship with Christ, you’re no longer pressured by everyone else’s expectations. Your identity and self-worth are in Christ—not in what others might think of you. God’s love frees you to love others fearlessly. Selfishness destroys relationships. It is the number one cause of conflict, arguments, divorce, and even war.
James 4:1 says, “What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you?” (NIV). Every trouble starts because of self-centeredness. It’s very easy for selfishness to enter relationships. When you start a relationship, you work really hard at being unselfish. But as time goes on, selfishness begins to creep in. People tend to put more energy into starting and building relationships than they do in maintaining them. If selfishness destroys relationships, then it is selflessness that makes them grow. What does selflessness mean? It means less of “me” and more of “you.” It means thinking of others more than you think of yourself and putting other people’s needs before your own. As Philippians 2:4 says, “Everyone should look not to his own interests, but rather to the interests of others” (CSB). Selflessness brings out the best in people. It builds trust in relationships. In fact, if you start acting selfless in a relationship, the other person changes too; when you’re selfless, you’re not the same person anymore so they have to relate to you in a different way. Some of the most unlovable people that no one wants to be around are transformed when someone is kind and selfless toward them. When someone is given what they need, not what they deserve, they change in beautiful ways. The Bible says in Galatians 6:7-8, “The person who plants selfishness, ignoring the needs of others—ignoring God!—harvests a crop of weeds. All he’ll have to show for his life is weeds! But the one who plants in response to God, letting God’s Spirit do the growth work in him, harvests a crop of real life, eternal life” (The Message). This is the biblical principle of sowing and reaping. What you sow, you’re going to reap. When you sow selflessness, you reap God’s blessing. This is how he’s wired the universe: the more unselfish you are, the more he blesses you. He wants you to become like him, and he is unselfish. Everything you have is a gift from God, a result of his unselfishness toward you. And, ultimately, God rewards selflessness with eternal life. While you’re here on this Earth, though, you’ll be most fulfilled when you give yourself away. Jesus said, “Only those who throw away their lives for my sake and for the sake of the Good News will ever know what it means to really live” (Mark 8:35 TLB). “For the Holy Spirit, God’s gift, does not want you to be afraid of people, but to be wise and strong, and to love them and enjoy being with them.”
2 Timothy 1:7 (TLB) When you’re full of fear and anxiety, you don’t get close to other people. Instead, you back off. You fear being rejected, manipulated, vulnerable, hurt, or used, and these fears cause you to disconnect from the people around you. This fear is as old as humanity. When Adam and Eve sinned, God came looking for them. Then Adam said, “I was afraid . . . and I hid myself” (Genesis 3:10 ESV). People have been hiding ever since. You may not physically hide, but you hide your true self. You don’t let people know what you’re really like. You don’t let them see inside you. Why? Because you believe that if you show people your true self and they don’t like it, you’ll be up a creek without a paddle. Instead, you pretend to be someone you’re not. This fear leads to three things that will damage your relationships: Fear makes you defensive. You’re afraid to reveal yourself, but people inevitably spot some of your weaknesses. And when they point out those weaknesses, you defend yourself and retaliate. Fear keeps you distant. You’re afraid to be open and honest—to let people get close to you. Instead, you withdraw and pull back so you can hide your emotions. You become defensive and distant. Fear makes you demanding. The more insecure you are, the more you try to control and dominate. For you, it might look like always having to get in the last word in a conversation. Being demanding is always a symptom of fear and insecurity. Clearly, fear only damages your relationships. But where do you get the courage to take the first step to connect with someone and move toward deeper intimacy? You get it from God’s Spirit in your life. Paul says in 2 Timothy 1:7, “For the Holy Spirit, God’s gift, does not want you to be afraid of people, but to be wise and strong, and to love them and enjoy being with them” (TLB). How do you know you’re filled with God’s Spirit? You’re filled with God’s Spirit when you’ve become more courageous in your relationships. Rather than fearing people, you’re free to love them and enjoy being with them. The Bible says that “God is love” (1 John 4:8 TLB) and that “perfect love drives out all fear” (1 John 4:18 GNT). The more of God you have in your life, the less fear you’re going to have in your life. The starting point in connecting with anyone is to pause, pray, and say, “God, give me the courage to take the first step.” Are you ready to pray that for one of your relationships today? “Do not be interested only in your own life, but be interested in the lives of others.”
Philippians 2:4 (NCV) When you walk into a meeting, how many people are sitting there, looking at their phones, texting or scrolling social media? Our heads seem to be always down, engrossed in a video or game, and our earbuds keep us from hearing the people near us. It’s so easy to sit in a restaurant with friends yet be more concerned about our “friends” on Facebook or Twitter or Instagram. You may be hanging out with two friends, but you’re more focused on tweeting to 100! Then you’re worried about how many people are retweeting it or liking your post. It’s all about you instead of the people God has placed right in front of you. We live in a world where our tools and technology have left us perpetually distracted and trained us to no longer pay attention to the people in our lives. If you want to have happier relationships, you need to learn the lost art of paying attention. The Bible says in Philippians 2:4, “Do not be interested only in your own life, but be interested in the lives of others” (NCV). This doesn’t come naturally, does it? Based on your nature, you may not care what someone else is interested in. Based on your nature, you usually want the attention on yourself, not the other person. But the greatest gift you can give somebody is your attention—because your attention is your time, and your time is your life. You’re never going to get your time back, and that’s why it is so precious when you give it. This is a simple but powerful tool in growing strong relationships. Are you interested in what your kids are interested in? Do you listen to what your partner has to say? Do you give your coworkers your attention when they speak to you? Do you notice your neighbors as you walk by their home in the morning? Learning the lost art of paying attention is an act of love. It will transform your relationships and help you live a happy life. “I thank God for the help you gave me.”
Philippians 1:5 (NCV) Paul wrote the book of Philippians to the church that he started in Philippi, where a woman named Lydia opened up her home and, along with others, welcomed Paul to the city. The Philippian church even helped fund Paul’s missionary journeys. In Philippians 1:5, Paul says, “I thank God for the help you gave me” (NCV). The thing is, Paul didn’t have a good time in Philippi. In fact, it was one of his toughest churches to get started. When Paul went to this city to start a church, he was beaten, whipped, humiliated, falsely arrested, and thrown into prison. He even survived a major earthquake! Then he was asked by the city leaders to leave town. Yet Paul told the believers, “Every time I think of you, I give thanks to my God” (Philippians 1:3 NLT). What is Paul doing here? He is choosing selective memory. Philippi was not a happy place for Paul, and he endured a lot of persecution and suffering during his time there. But he chooses not to dwell on painful memories. Instead, he expresses his gratitude for the good things that had been done for him and through him. The longer you know someone, the more likely you are to take that person for granted, look for faults, and remember the bad things instead of the good things. Are you still clinging to painful memories of people in your life? Maybe you’ve never let them off the hook, and so you can’t enjoy those relationships because you’re still holding on to the past. You need to understand that memories are a choice. There's a story about Clara Barton, who founded the American Red Cross. A friend reminded her of a particularly cruel thing somebody had done to her years before. The friend asked, “Don’t you remember?” Her famous reply was, “No, I distinctly remember forgetting it.” Your memories are a choice. If you want to hold on to your painful memories, go right ahead. But you’re not going to be happy. Paul had a lot of reasons to focus on painful memories of Philippi. But he still chose to be grateful for the people in his life and Gods’ work in and through them. When you do the same, God will bless your relationships far beyond your expectations. |
AuthorTaken from Daily Hope by Rick Warren. Categories
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