“A woman of gentle grace gets respect.”
Proverbs 11:16 (MSG) Gentleness is a prerequisite to leadership. No matter where you want to be a leader—in church, government, business, home, school, or your community—you first have to be gentle. Proverbs 11:16 says, “A woman of gentle grace gets respect” (MSG)—and that’s true for men too. Gentleness leads to respect, and no one can truly lead without being respected. Jesus was “gentle and humble in heart” (Matthew 11:29 NIV). He was strong in every way. He could make arrogant leaders speechless and overturn tables in the temple. But he never lost his temper. He kept his strength under control. He was gentle. Other than Jesus, only one person in the Bible was called gentle: Moses. You probably think of Moses as a strong leader. He took on Pharaoh, the most powerful man in the world at the time, and demanded that Pharaoh let God’s people go. Moses had nothing but God on his side—and that was enough for him. But before Moses was a leader, Moses was gentle. Here’s what the Bible says about Moses: “Now the man Moses was very humble (gentle, kind, devoid of self-righteousness), more than any man who was on the face of the earth” (Numbers 12:3 AMP). But it’s likely that gentleness didn’t come naturally for Moses. His persistent sin was uncontrolled anger; he had a violent temper, and he had trouble managing it. One time Moses got so angry that he killed an Egyptian. When Moses came down from the mountain after receiving the Ten Commandments, he found the Hebrew people worshiping an idol. He was so angry that he threw down the Ten Commandments and broke them. And anger was what kept Moses from entering the Promised Land. So how could the guy who had a lifelong problem with anger be the only one in the Bible besides Jesus who is called gentle? Because Moses was teachable. When people spoke to him about areas of his life that needed changing, it didn’t make him angry. Instead, he learned from them. He was gentle. And that gentleness earned him respect. And that respect made him a leader. Maybe you struggle with anger like Moses. Or maybe you’re too submissive, or impatient, or lazy. Whatever you struggle with, choose to have a gentle, teachable spirit. You’ll find that your gentleness earns you the respect of the people around you.
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“A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”
Proverbs 15:1 (NIV) Have you noticed that human beings have a tendency to mimic other people’s emotions, especially if we’re sitting or standing right across from them? The reason we do this is because of mirror neurons in our brains that allow us to sympathize and to mirror what other people feel. For instance, if somebody gets angry with you, you get angry back. If somebody is really miserable and you hang around that person long enough, you get miserable too. In the same way, when someone raises their voice against you, you usually raise your voice back. Then they raise their voice higher. Then you raise your voice higher. Then pretty soon things have escalated, and your emotions are out of control. But the Bible offers a different way to respond: “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger” (Proverbs 15:1 NIV). Here's a little tip that will save you a lot of heartache and conflict in your marriage, in your parenting, in your friendships, and at work: When another person raises their voice, lower yours. When you do that, you’re demonstrating strength under control. Another word for strength under control is gentleness. Gentleness defuses conflict. It de-escalates anger. A gentle person does not overreact and is not driven by their emotions. A gentle person demonstrates strength under control. The Greek word in the Bible for “gentleness” is the word prautes. Some older English translations of the Bible translate prautes as “meek.” The word “meek” isn’t used much anymore because meek has become a synonym for weak. But gentleness—or prautes—is anything but weak. In fact, the word prautes was used to refer to a wild stallion that had been tamed. Think about that image. If you go out in the hills and find a wild stallion, it’s unbridled and even dangerous, with a strength that could kill you pretty quickly. But if you tame that stallion, it’s still just as strong, but the strength is brought under control. The strength is bottled up for the master’s use. When you learn true gentleness as a man or woman of God, you don’t become weak. You just bring your strength under God’s control and use it for his purposes. “A gentle answer quiets anger, but a harsh one stirs it up.”
Proverbs 15:1 (GNT) Gentleness diffuses conflict. It disarms critics. It’s persuasive. It’s attractive. And gentleness communicates love. If you’re married, the quickest way to improve your marriage is to start talking to your spouse more gently. It’ll do wonders! How many married couples could benefit from Proverbs 15:1, which says, “A gentle answer quiets anger, but a harsh one stirs it up” (Proverbs 15:1 GNT)? Any fool can be selfish. Any fool can be rough. Any fool can be rude. But a gentle answer goes a long way. In any marriage you’ll hurt each other emotionally many times—so a great marriage is simply the union of two great forgivers. That’s a part of gentleness. Gentleness is not only the key to an effective marriage; it’s also the key to effective parenting. If you’re a parent, never discipline out of anger or frustration, but always gently and out of love. The Bible says in Ephesians 6:4, “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger . . . but bring them up [tenderly, with lovingkindness] in the discipline and instruction of the Lord” (AMP). Let your gentle response be demonstrated in your relationships. Whether or not you’re married or have children, the principle is the same for all relationships. Remember, “A gentle answer quiets anger, but a harsh one stirs it up” (Proverbs 15:1 GNT). “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger."
Proverbs 15:1 (NIV) Have you noticed that human beings have a tendency to mimic the emotions of people across from them? The reason we do this is because of mirror neurons in our brains. They allow us to sympathize and also to mirror what other people feel. For instance, if someone gets angry with you, you get angry back. If somebody is really sad and you hang around that person long enough, you start to get sad. In the same way, when people raise their voice against you, you usually raise your voice back. Then they raise their voice higher. Then you raise your voice higher. Then pretty soon it’s escalated, and your emotions are out of control. But the Bible says you actually can choose how you respond: “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger” (Proverbs 15:1 NIV). Here's a tip that will save you a lot of heartache and conflict in your life: When other people raise their voices, lower yours—in your marriage, in your parenting, in your friendships, and at work. That’s called strength under control. Gentleness defuses conflict. It deescalates anger. Here’s a good verse you’re going to need someday—maybe even this week. Ecclesiastes 10:4 says, “If your boss is angry at you, don’t quit! A quiet spirit can overcome even great mistakes” (NLT). When your boss tears into you or your spouse raises his or her voice in anger, realize it may not have anything to do with you. Instead of getting defensive, practice gentleness. Let your gentle answer disarm the other person and defuse the situation. “Instead, we will speak the truth in love, growing in every way more and more like Christ, who is the head of his body, the church.”
Ephesians 4:15 (NLT) Christians often use the truth as a weapon. But the Bible never says God wants you to use the truth as a club. He doesn’t want you to beat people up theologically, politically, or personally. You must use the truth tactfully—in other words, use truth in love. “Instead, we will speak the truth in love, growing in every way more and more like Christ, who is the head of his body, the church” (Ephesians 4:15 NLT). Think of somebody that you would like to help make a change. You need to realize people change faster and more easily when the truth is wrapped in love. Without love, truth is always seen as an attack. If you say something offensively, guess what? It’s going to be received defensively. You’re never going to get anywhere! Ephesians 4:29 says, “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen” (NIV). If it’s not helpful, don’t say it. If it’s only for your benefit, don’t say it. If you want to just get something off your chest, don’t say that you’re speaking the truth in love. If you want to put somebody down and club somebody with the truth, don’t say that you’re speaking the truth in love. Speak only what is helpful for building people up according to their needs, so that it benefits them. Those are the qualifications of speaking the truth in love. Now, just because you’re ready to share the truth doesn’t mean the other person is ready to hear it. Ask yourself if someone is ready to receive a truth; that’s part of loving them. The Bible says, “Thoughtless words can wound as deeply as any sword, but wisely spoken words can heal” (Proverbs 12:18 GNT). Do you want to heal, or do you want to wound? Do you want to help, or do you want to hurt? When you’re in a conflict, the solution is not deception but tact. You have a choice to either hurt or heal, to either make a point or make an enemy. How do you know when you’re speaking the truth in love? It’s pretty simple: Just ask yourself for whose benefit are saying something. If you’re speaking the truth for someone else’s benefit, then God will honor your words and use them for good. “Speak and act as those who are going to be judged by the law that gives freedom, because judgment without mercy will be shown to anyone who has not been merciful. Mercy triumphs over judgment.”
James 2:12-13 (NIV) As followers of Jesus, we live in a constant tension. On one hand, we want to honor God and do what he wants. On the other hand, everything in our world is directly opposed to God. Life in the Kingdom of God is at odds with the ways of the world. You are going to see many things that disagree with your values and—more importantly—with God’s values. How do you respond? Unfortunately, too many Christians respond by passing judgment on others. James tells us that if we judge others without showing mercy, then God will not show mercy to us. God desires mercy over judgment. You can avoid being judgmental by telling the truth with gentleness. You can tell someone that disobeying God will lead to negative consequences in a way that doesn’t pass judgment on them. You become judgmental when you take the truth and hold it over people’s heads, in order to make yourself feel superior. We are called to tell the truth to help people, not to harm them or put them down. You can disagree with someone without being disagreeable. Even if you are right about something, being rude about it puts you in the wrong. Being judgmental—expecting an unbeliever to act like a believer—doesn’t make sense. The Bible says people can’t act the way God wants them to act until they invite Jesus into their lives and accept his power to change their ways. You will be able to stop passing judgment on others when you remember that everyone is accountable to God. That means they aren’t accountable to you, but remember, you are accountable to stop passing judgment on others. Jesus says, “Do not judge others, and God will not judge you; do not condemn others, and God will not condemn you; forgive others, and God will forgive you” (Luke 6:37 GNT). “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”
Proverbs 15:1 (NIV) Here’s a common scenario: someone raises their voice against you, so you raise your voice in response. Then they raise their voice higher, then you raise your voice higher. And the situation keeps escalating. Some scientists suggest we do this because of mirror neurons in our brain meant to give us the ability to empathize with others and even mirror what they feel. But, unchecked, we can begin to mirror the anger and antagonism of someone in an argument. Let me give you a little tip that will save you a lot of heartache and conflict in your life: When other people raise their voice, lower yours—in your marriage, in your parenting, in your friendships, and at work. That’s called strength under control. The Bible says, “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger” (Proverbs 15:1 NIV). Gentleness defuses conflict. It deescalates anger. When someone raises their voice in anger, instead of getting defensive, practice gentleness. Let your gentle answer disarm the other person and diffuse the situation. “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls” (Matthew 11:28-29 NIV).
Gentleness is an important quality to practice. It defuses conflict. It disarms critics. It’s persuasive. It’s attractive. It communicates love. Most importantly, gentleness makes you more like Jesus. In Matthew 11:28-29, he says, “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls” (NIV). Wait. Does this mean that the stress and the pressure you’re feeling in life reveal that you are not gentle? Yes. Because the Bible says that the gentler you become, the more Christlike you become and the more at rest you will be. Do you want to be at peace? Do you want to be like Jesus? You can’t just walk out your door and force yourself to be gentle. You can’t manufacture gentleness, because inside you’re still going to be under stress. It’s got to be an “inside” job. It has to be the fruit of God’s Spirit inside you. Jesus is gentle and humble. When you let him share your burden, you will walk with him in a close relationship. You will learn how to be gentler and humbler, and he will give you rest and peace, not stress and pressure. |
AuthorTaken from Daily Hope by Rick Warren. Categories
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