“Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too. You must have the same attitude that Christ Jesus had.”
Philippians 2:4-5 (NLT) When you’re in conflict, the loving and Christlike way to defuse the tension is to seek to understand before seeking to be understood. Try to figure out what the other person is thinking and saying before you start trying to convince them convince them of your side. You cannot hope to be understood until you are willing to do the same for others. The Bible says, “A person who answers without listening is foolish and disgraceful” (Proverbs 18:13 ICB). We are often so busy trying to get people to see it our way that we don’t stop to listen to what they are saying. That’s why you need to say, “You go first.” And then, after they’ve shared, you say, “Now, let me see if I understand. You’re saying (repeat to them what you understood they were communicating to you). Did I get this right?” That gives them a chance to correct and not just be understood but also feel understood. Seeking to understand first also allows you to see the other person’s perspective. Philippians 2:4-5 says, “Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too. You must have the same attitude that Christ Jesus had” (NLT). We’re in the thick of a pandemic filled with a lot of heated discussion around the best way to move forward. Everyone has their own perspective, but it seems like no one is willing see anyone else’s perspective. All we can see is our own side of things. If you’re not willing to seek to understand and acknowledge other perspectives, you’re not going to be able to see the hurt of other people. You won’t see their fear, their pain, or the injustice they’ve faced. That is not the way of Jesus Christ. He was always looking beyond himself to the needs of others. Even on the cross, he was thinking of you. It’s not easy to think of others before yourself. It certainly isn’t natural. You are, by nature, a self-centered person. We all are! Left to our own devices, we'll always choose to look out for ourselves before we look out for others. Only Jesus can change this perspective. Only Jesus can make you more interested in someone else’s interests than in your own. When you take on the character of Christ, the desire to understand before being understood becomes more natural. Only then can you work through conflict as you think of others before yourself.
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“Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.”
Psalm 139:23-24 (NIV) One of the best strategies for de-escalating conflict is also one of the scariest things you can do: Asking God to give you a clear picture of yourself. “Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting” (Psalm 139:23-24 NIV). When you’re in conflict, you bring all kinds of emotions and misconceptions to the table. Your responsibility is to ask God to point out your own shortcomings—not the shortcomings of your spouse, your kid, your colleague, your friend, or your neighbor. You ask God to make clear to you anything in you that is wrong and then lead you on the path that is always right. When you genuinely pray those verses from Psalm 139, God will show you the right way. He’s not going to play games with you, and he always forgives—even when he points out that part of the problem in the conflict is you. As God reveals to you the sin in your life, you must take responsibility for it. And that may mean you need to bring it up in conversation with the other person. It always means you get right with God. Your job is to admit any part of the conflict that was caused by your bias, insensitivity, immaturity, or negligence—or any other reason. Jesus made this point by using hyperbole in the Sermon on the Mount. He says in Matthew 7:3-5, “And why worry about a speck in the eye of a brother when you have a board in your own? Should you say, ‘Friend, let me help you get that speck out of your eye,’ when you can’t even see because of the board in your own? Hypocrite! First get rid of the board. Then you can see to help your brother” (TLB). Pointing the finger will never resolve conflict. You must first look at yourself and ask God for wisdom to recognize your sin and take responsibility for it. It will never be easy, but it will always be the right choice. “The LORD has hidden himself from his people, but I trust him and place my hope in him.”
Isaiah 8:17 (GNT) It’s easy to worship God when things are going great in your life—when he’s provided food, friends, family, health, and happy situations. But circumstances are not always pleasant. How do you worship God then? What do you do when God seems a million miles away? The deepest level of worship is praising God in spite of pain, thanking God during a trial, trusting him when tempted, surrendering while suffering, and loving him when he seems distant. The writer Philip Yancey once noted, “Any relationship involves times of closeness and times of distance, and in a relationship with God, no matter how intimate, the pendulum will swing from one side to the other.” That’s when worship gets difficult. To mature your friendship, God will test it with periods of seeming separation—times when it seems as if he has abandoned or forgotten you. God feels a million miles away. St. John of the Cross referred to these days of spiritual dryness and doubt about God as “the dark night of the soul.” God called King David “a man after my own heart” (see 1 Samuel 13:14 and Acts 13:22), yet David sometimes complained about God’s apparent absence:
Of course, God hadn’t really left David, and he’ll never leave you. God has promised repeatedly, “I will never leave you; I will never abandon you” (Hebrews 13:5 GNT). “We have sinned and done wrong. We have rebelled against you and scorned your commands and regulations. We have refused to listen to your servants the prophets, who spoke on your authority to our kings and princes and ancestors and to all the people of the land.”
Daniel 9:5-6 (NLT) Daniel shows us six key principles during his prayer in Daniel 9. The first five of these principles are:
Finally, we need to humbly confess our sin. God won’t listen to prideful complaining, but he will listen to humble confessing. God responds to humility. God already knows every foolish thing you’ve ever done in your life, but he still wants you to confess your sin. How does God respond when you humbly admit you blew it? He responds with forgiveness, mercy, and grace. Confessing simply means agreeing with God about your sin. You tell God he is right—what you did was sin. You don’t make excuses. You don’t call it a mistake. You admit that you were wrong. Get specific with your confession like Daniel did in Daniel 9:5-6:“We have sinned and done wrong. We have rebelled against you and scorned your commands and regulations. We have refused to listen to your servants the prophets, who spoke on your authority to our kings and princes and ancestors and to all the people of the land” (NLT). Daniel didn’t end there, either. His confession went on for another 10 verses as he painstakingly described his sin. He agreed with God that the Israelites had brought disgrace and shame on themselves, been unfaithful to God, paid no attention to what the Lord had told them, and been oblivious to God’s warnings. That’s pretty specific. Daniel’s prayer helps us understand how our unconfessed sin creates distance between God and us—and it’s a powerful reminder of how God answers our prayers as we agree with him about our sin. He is always faithful to forgive us when we come to him with a humble heart. “Only someone too stupid to find his way home would wear himself out with work.”
Ecclesiastes 10:15 (GNT) You’re not God. You don’t have all the answers. You can’t do everything. If you’re struggling to find balance in your life, those admissions can transform everything. The Bible says, “Only someone too stupid to find his way home would wear himself out with work” (Ecclesiastes 10:15 GNT). It’s foolish to wear yourself out with work. Do you realize that when you overwork, you’re playing God? It’s a way of saying that it all depends on you, that everything will crash down if you don’t keep the world spinning. That’s just not true! You’re not the general manager of the universe. The universe will not fall apart if you take time to rest, if you take time to balance your life. God has it under control. Often we do this to ourselves because we’re trying to please everyone. Learn this lesson today: You can’t please everyone. Even God can’t please everyone! One person wants it to rain. Another one wants it to be sunny. It’s absurd to try doing what even God can’t do. When you live for the expectations of others, you pile a ton of “shoulds” on your shoulders. You may think, “I should work more hours,” “I should be as active as all the other parents,” or “I should volunteer for this project.” But realize this: No one is forcing you to do those things. Overworking is your choice. You choose to take on the extra work or not to take it on. And you choose the consequences that come with your choice. When you deny your humanity and try to do it all, you’re robbing God of his glory. The Bible declares this in 2 Corinthians 4:7: “We have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us” (NIV). Paul reminds us that we’re human beings. We’re feeble and fragile. Jars of clay break easily. If you drop them, they shatter. Clay pots have to be handled appropriately and with care. If not, they’ll be destroyed. But the good news is that through our feebleness, the power and glory of God shine through. Your humanity isn’t something to hide. Instead, you can celebrate the power of God working through your limitations. So admit it: You’re human. Thank God for that!
“Seek first God’s kingdom and what God wants. Then all your other needs will be met as well.” Matthew 6:33 (NCV) If you want to live a truly balanced life, you can only look at one person in all of history as your model: Jesus. If you put him at the center of your life, your life will be more balanced. Think of your life like a wheel. The center of the wheel is a hub. All of the spokes of your life (which represent your relationships, your family, your career, your goals, and so on) come from that hub. We all build our lives around some sort of hub. The question is, what will be your hub? Will it be your family? Will it be your career? Will it be money? Or will it be Jesus? How do you know what you’re building your life around? Take a look at whatever you think about the most. That’s what is driving you. The center of your life is critical to developing a balanced life. A solid center leads to a solid life. A weak, flimsy center leads to a weak life. When I hear people tell me their lives are coming unglued, it usually means one thing: They have a faulty center. Something other than God has taken priority in their lives. Not only does the hub create stability, but it also controls and influences everything else about your life. Whatever you put at the center of your life will also be your source of power. The power of a wheel always emanates from the center outward—never the other way around. Make Jesus the hub of your life, and he’ll provide the stability, control, and power you need. The Bible says, “Seek first God’s kingdom and what God wants. Then all your other needs will be met as well” (Matthew 6:33 NCV). When you choose to put Jesus at the center, all the other areas of your life—from your family to your career to your goals—will find balance in him. He will direct your life, influence it, empower it, and give it stability. “Those who make idols end up like them. So does everyone who trusts them.”
Psalm 115:8 (GW) Even good things—like our marriages, our families, our hobbies, the people we admire, or even our ministries in the church—can become idols if we place a greater emphasis on them than on our relationship with God. Anytime you think fulfillment comes from who you’re with or what you do, you’re setting yourself up for a deep disappointment. Created things simply cannot give us meaning in life; only our Creator can do that. The Bible says, “The poor, deluded fool . . . trusts something that can’t help him at all. Yet he cannot bring himself to ask: ‘Is this idol that I’m holding in my hand a lie?’” (Isaiah 44:20 NLT). We want to live in the truth of God’s reality, not in the lie created by our own hand. These idols won’t just stop after they’ve disappointed us. Eventually, they will control us. On the other hand, if you value Jesus above all else, you’ll become like him. So if putting something else first in our lives warps us, why do we do it? We want a god we can control. We want to be able to manage him. But why would you want to follow a god you can control and manage? That’s no god at all. Guess what? You don’t have to settle for that kind of god. You can choose to give yourself over to an all-knowing, all-powerful God who can take you places far beyond where your fantasies and idols ever could. And that’s a reality that won’t leave you feeling disappointed. “If you do not forgive others, then your Father will not forgive the wrongs you have done.”
Matthew 6:15 (GNT) If you are unwilling to forgive someone and you don’t want God to forgive them either, that reveals bitterness and resentment in your life. If you want someone else to be punished but you expect forgiveness for the bad things you’ve done, you’ll just make yourself miserable. You’re not hurting them; you’re only hurting yourself. Jesus said, “If you do not forgive others, then your Father will not forgive the wrongs you have done” (Matthew 6:15 GNT). Forgiveness involves your past, present, and future:
Consider Jonah. After he warned the people of Nineveh about God’s judgment, they repented and so God forgave them and didn’t punish them. This disappointed Jonah and made him bitter. But remember how Jonah originally turned away from God? He wanted God’s forgiveness for his own sin of disobeying. Yet he didn’t want God to forgive the Ninevites. So Jonah prayed, “I knew that you are a loving and merciful God, always patient, always kind, and always ready to change your mind and not punish. Now then, Lord, let me die. I am better off dead than alive” (Jonah 4:2-3 GNT). Jonah’s resentment was only hurting himself. Here were the Ninevites enjoying the grace of God while Jonah was wallowing in self-pity. It’s critical that you forgive anyone from your past who has hurt you. And that you forgive anyone who wrongs you today because God has forgiven you for your past sins, and he has promised to forgive you in the future. “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness” (1 John 1:9 NIV). “[The Lord] is being patient for your sake. He does not want anyone to be destroyed, but wants everyone to repent.”
2 Peter 3:9 (NLT) God only uses imperfect, broken people. If God only used perfect people, nothing would get done because perfect people don’t exist! If you’re willing to be used by God, he will use you no matter what you’ve done in the past. Your mission hasn’t changed. Jonah was an ordinary guy who didn’t even want to do what God told him to do. Yet God gave him another chance, and he did what he’d been called to do. Even though he obeyed God, Jonah carried out his assignment with a bad attitude. Yet God still used him. God gave Jonah a seven-word sermon: “In forty days Nineveh will be destroyed!” (Jonah 3:4 GNT). That simple message led to one of the largest spiritual revivals in history. A huge city humbly turned to God. It’s really a bigger miracle than getting Jonah out of the belly of a big fish. God used this imperfect, reluctant prophet to lead an incredible revival. God was patient with Jonah and never gave up on him. God won’t give up on you either. The Bible says, “[The Lord] is being patient for your sake. He does not want anyone to be destroyed, but wants everyone to repent” (2 Peter 3:9 NLT). If you wake up tomorrow morning, it means God is giving you one more day—another opportunity—to fulfill your mission. Expect God to use you. And he will. “Jonah obeyed the LORD and went to Nineveh. The city was so big that it took three days just to walk through it. After walking for a day, Jonah warned the people, ‘Forty days from now, Nineveh will be destroyed!’”
Jonah 3:3-4 (CEV) When God sent Jonah to Nineveh, his mission was to warn the people about the severe consequences for their disobedience. God wanted them to know that his judgment was near, but that they still had a chance to repent and obey him. God wanted to give the people of Nineveh a second chance. But he had to give Jonah a second chance, too, because the prophet was sitting in a big fish. Once God rescued him, the Bible says, “Jonah obeyed the Lord and went to Nineveh. The city was so big that it took three days just to walk through it. After walking for a day, Jonah warned the people, ‘Forty days from now, Nineveh will be destroyed!’” (Jonah 3:3-4 CEV). A warning is cautionary advice about a danger, trap, or problem. And God sometimes brings people into our lives to warn us because we’re not listening to God’s warning. More than 100 verses in the New Testament tell us to warn others. It’s part of our responsibility as followers of Jesus. In Acts 20:31, Paul writes: “Remember that for three years I never stopped warning each of you night and day with tears” (NIV). Notice that Paul says he warned the Ephesians “with tears.” Why did he do that? Because he loved them! God gives all believers the ministry of warning others. When you warn someone, it shows that you love God and love that person. For instance, if you knew a bridge was out and you saw someone driving toward it at 50 miles per hour, the loving thing to do is to warn them. If you love the people in your life, you will warn them of the consequences of their unwise actions or decisions—because a godly warning is an act of love. |
AuthorTaken from Daily Hope by Rick Warren. Categories
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