“Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too. You must have the same attitude that Christ Jesus had” (Philippians 2:4-5 NLT).
When you meet someone to resolve a conflict, you first have to confess your part of the problem. Then, you need to listen for the other person’s hurt and perspective. We think we argue over ideas. But we actually argue over emotion. Anytime there’s a conflict, someone’s feelings were hurt. Somebody felt abused. Somebody felt slighted. It’s not the idea that causes the conflict. It’s the emotion behind the idea. Hurt people hurt people. The more people are hurting, the more they lash out at everybody else. People who aren’t hurting don’t hurt others. People who are filled with love are loving toward others. People who are filled with joy are joyful to others. People who are filled with peace are at peace with everybody else. But people who are hurting inside are going to hurt others. They’re going to lash out. If you want to connect with people, you must start with their needs, their hurts, and their interests. If you want to be a good salesperson, you don’t start with your product. You start with your customer’s need, hurts, and interests. If you want to be a good professor or pastor or anything else, you start with people’s needs, hurts, and interests. Philippians 2:4-5 says, “Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too. You must have the same attitude that Christ Jesus had” (NLT). Are you often so busy trying to get the people you’re in conflict with to see your position that you’re not listening to theirs? You’re too busy speaking and not listening, so you move further and further away. You need to intentionally switch your focus from your needs to their needs. Conflict resolution starts with the way you look at the situation. The word “look” in Philippians 2:4 is the Greek word scopos. It’s where we get our words “microscope” and “telescope.” Scopos means to focus. The next verse says your attitude should be the same as that of Jesus Christ. You are most like Jesus when you’re focusing on the hurts of somebody else rather than your own. There’s an old Proverb that says, “Seek to understand before seeking to be understood.” When you’re focused on the other person’s needs and not your own, you’ll be able to get a better understanding of the situation and move forward with resolving your conflict.
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“How can a young person stay on the path of purity? By living according to your word” (Psalm 119:9 NIV).
In a culture that is absolutely obsessed with appearance and image, how in the world do you keep it real when so many other people are faking it? They don’t have integrity. They’re scooting by and they’re skimming and they’re cheating. They’re not keeping their promises. How do you keep it real? There’s only one way. You’ve got to care more about God’s approval than the approval of other people. That’s the only way you’ll ever become a person of integrity. If you care about what God thinks, you’re going to do the right thing. But if you care more about what other people think, you’re often going to do the wrong thing. Psalm 119:9 says, “How can a young person stay on the path of purity? By living according to your word” (NIV). The only way you’re going to know what God approves of and what he thinks of you is by reading the Bible. You must stay in God’s Word! If you don’t, you will not have the strength and the stamina to live with integrity. If you don’t have a daily quiet time with God in the Word, if you miss it for even a few days, you notice it—everyone notices it!—because you might start getting cranky. If you don’t stay connected to God through his Word, you might not have the strength to live with integrity. Living with integrity takes spiritual power, because what is right is often unpopular. You’re going to get tired trying to do the right thing and be real and keep the right motives. You need to be equipped and refreshed. You do that by reading and studying the Bible, God’s Word. “[God] has restored our relationship with him through Christ, and has given us this ministry of restoring relationships. In other words, God was using Christ to restore his relationship with humanity. He didn’t hold people’s faults against them, and he has given us this message of restored relationships to tell others” (2 Corinthians 5:18-19 GW).
When you want to repair a relationship where there is conflict, you have to focus on reconciliation, not resolution. There’s a big difference! Reconciliation means reestablishing the relationship. It means you’re at peace with each other. Resolution means you resolve every disagreement, and that just isn’t going to happen. Because the truth is, there are some things in your marriage, your friendships, and your work relationships that you’re just never going to agree on, because we’re all different. But you can disagree without being disagreeable. That’s called maturity. That’s called wisdom. That’s called being like Christ. We can have unity without uniformity. We can walk hand in hand together without seeing eye to eye. If you focus on restoring your relationship, oftentimes the issue becomes insignificant. How many of your biggest arguments were over the smallest things? Likely very few. You need to get back to focusing on the relationship. There’s a lot of conflict in the world. It’s filled with wars, division, arguments, prejudice, racism, terrorism, and partisanship. And as a result, we have broken relationships. We have a broken government. We have broken marriages. And we have broken lives and broken hearts. As a believer, commit to becoming an agent of reconciliation in a world filled with conflict. Become a bridge builder, not a wall builder. Look for ways to bring people together rather than tear them up. The Bible says in 2 Corinthians 5:18-19, “[God] has restored our relationship with him through Christ and has given us this ministry of restoring relationships. In other words, God was using Christ to restore his relationship with humanity. He didn’t hold people’s faults against them, and he has given us this message of restored relationships to tell others” (GW). If you are a follower of Jesus Christ, you have a ministry of reconciliation. It’s your job to go out in society and say, “God’s done everything to put you back in fellowship with him. He’s already paid for all your sins. You don’t have to be his enemy. He’s not mad at you. He’s mad about you. Be reconciled to God. Be at peace with God. Then spread that peace with everybody else.” “Like newborn infants, long for the pure spiritual milk, that by it you may grow up into salvation--” (1 Peter 2:2 ESV).
Are you hungry for God? It is possible to maintain a spiritual hunger for God for the rest of your life. Here are five ways to sustain a spiritual appetite. 1. Remind yourself how much God loves you. The more you understand how much God loves you, the more you’re going to love him. The Bible says in Ephesians 3:18-19, “May you have the power to understand . . . how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love is. May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God” (NLT). 2. Stop filling up on junk food. You are a spiritual being with a God-shaped hole in your heart that only God can fill. When you try to fill it with salary, status, success, passion, possessions, power, prestige, or anything other than God, it’s not going to be fulfilling. Proverbs 15:14 says, “A wise person is hungry for knowledge, while the fool feeds on trash” (NLT). 3. Make knowing God your number one goal. Happiness is a byproduct of knowing God. Jesus says in Matthew 6:33, “Seek first God’s kingdom and what God wants. Then all your other needs will be met as well” (NCV). 4. Get into God’s Word every day. The Bible is food for your soul. Eating just one meal a week won’t keep your body healthy. In the same way, you need to feed on God’s Word every day. “You must crave pure spiritual milk so that you will grow into a full experience of salvation. Cry out for this nourishment” (1 Peter 2:2 NLT). 5. Appetite is influenced by association. If you hang out with people who only care about politics, that’s what you’re going to care about. If you hang out with people who only care about sports, that’s what you’re going to care about. Join a small group for support, because whatever you talk about when you’re with others is what you’re going to be hungry for. Proverbs 2:20 says, “Join the company of good men and women, and stay on the paths of the righteous” (The Message/NLT). “The Good News shows how God makes people right with himself” (Romans 1:17 NCV).
Righteousness is a big word in the Bible. It’s used hundreds of times. The Bible says that God loves righteousness and that God is righteous. It says that one day God is going to judge the world in righteousness. Psalm 23 says that God leads us in the paths of righteousness. So what in the world does this word mean? I once looked it up in a theological dictionary, and its definition went on for 27 pages! But I’ll boil it down to two things: Righteousness is a relationship and a lifestyle. Righteousness simply means being right with God. Romans 1:17 says, “The Good News shows how God makes people right with himself” (NCV). The Good News is that God made us right with himself through Jesus’ death as a payment for our sins. Because of Jesus’ death, we can have a personal relationship with God. Righteousness is also a lifestyle. It means living right as God intends. The Bible says in 1 John 2:29, “All who practice righteousness are God’s true children” (The Message). So why should you care about being right with God? Because it’s the only way to live, and it’s the only way to heaven. When you are disconnected from God, you’re not really living; you just exist. Most people in the world aren’t really fully alive. They just exist, trying to make it to the weekend. But to be disconnected from your Creator who made you for a purpose is nonsense. Life is not about the acquisition of things or the achievement of goals. Life is about getting to know God—the one who loves you and made you for a purpose. You’re not really living until you’re right with God and have a relationship with him. Righteousness is also the way you get to heaven. God created heaven as a place for his children whom he loves, and he wants you to be with him forever. He wants you to be in heaven, but he’s not going to force you to go to heaven. You can choose to be disconnected from God here on earth, but when your life on earth is done, you will not have a second chance to choose where you spend eternity. You can’t blame God, because he gives you the choice right now to have a relationship with him. He wants you to choose to love him! And when you do, you will be made right with him. It will change your life—here on earth and for eternity! “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls” (Matthew 11:28-29 NIV).
Gentleness is an important quality to practice. It defuses conflict. It disarms critics. It’s persuasive. It’s attractive. It communicates love. Most importantly, gentleness makes you more like Jesus. In Matthew 11:28-29, he says, “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls” (NIV). Wait. Does this mean that the stress and the pressure you’re feeling in life reveal that you are not gentle? Yes. Because the Bible says that the gentler you become, the more Christlike you become and the more at rest you will be. Do you want to be at peace? Do you want to be like Jesus? You can’t just walk out your door and force yourself to be gentle. You can’t manufacture gentleness, because inside you’re still going to be under stress. It’s got to be an “inside” job. It has to be the fruit of God’s Spirit inside you. Jesus is gentle and humble. When you let him share your burden, you will walk with him in a close relationship. You will learn how to be gentler and humbler, and he will give you rest and peace, not stress and pressure. “I trust the LORD God to save me, and I will wait for him to answer my prayer” (Micah 7:7 CEV).
The Bible is clear that we go through seasons in life, and one of the seasons that God talks about again and again is the season of waiting. While you’re waiting, God is working. Don’t think that a season of waiting means that God has stopped working. He’s just taking you through that season because he’s using the time to work in your circumstances for your good. You’re going to spend a lot of life waiting. If you don’t figure out how to trust God while you’re waiting, you’ll spend a lot of your life not trusting God. God is never in a hurry. He’s eternal! He is watching. He is working. He is seeing how and when you will trust him as you’re waiting. You’re saying, “When, Lord? When is it going to happen?” And God’s saying, “You can trust me with this.” The problem with waiting is that our human nature and our society say, “Don’t wait! Get things as quickly as you can.” That’s the way our culture is wired, but it goes against God’s blessing in our lives, because God’s blessing comes through these times of waiting. Ecclesiastes 3:11 says God “has set the right time for everything” (GNT). Are you in a time of waiting? Maybe it’s for school to end. Maybe it’s for the “right person” to come into your life. Maybe it’s for a marriage to happen or a baby to come or a new job opportunity to arrive. And you may be frustrated with how slowly things are happening. We’ve all been there. There’s a promise in the Bible that tells you not only that God is working but also how God is working, and you need to claim it while you’re in your time of waiting: “I am the Lord, and when it is time, I will make these things happen quickly” (Isaiah 60:22 NCV). That’s how God worked when he sent Jesus into this world. The world waited thousands of years for Jesus to come the first time. And he came at just the right moment. We’ve been waiting 2,000 years now for Jesus to come again. When will that happen? At just the right time—God’s time. That’s when he’s going to return. You can apply this to your time of waiting and remember that a delay is not a denial. When you think God is saying no, he may just be saying, “Not yet. Will you keep trusting me through this?” Micah 7:7 says, “I trust the Lord God to save me, and I will wait for him to answer my prayer” (CEV). That is the kind of faith that God blesses. |
AuthorTaken from Daily Hope by Rick Warren. Categories
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