“The first time I was brought before the judge, no one came with me. Everyone abandoned me. May it not be counted against them. But the Lord stood with me and gave me strength so that I might preach the Good News in its entirety for all the Gentiles to hear."
2 Timothy 4:16-17 (NLT) Eventually, everyone experiences loneliness. Loneliness isn’t prevented or fixed by beauty, wealth, fame, or success. Even marriage doesn’t protect you against loneliness. Many people marry because they’re lonely and divorce a few years later for the same reason. The apostle Paul’s life goal—even toward the very end when he was dying alone—was for other people know about Jesus. In 2 Timothy he talks about being brought alone before a judge. All his friends had abandoned him. But he kept his eyes focused on the spiritual needs of the people around him: “But the Lord stood with me and gave me strength so that I might preach the Good News in its entirety for all the Gentiles to hear” (2 Timothy 4:16-17 NLT). He focused on others because he knew everyone needed to hear about God’s love. He could have focused on his own problems, but instead he looked at what he could do to help others. It kept him from being lonely, even when he was alone. When you’re lonely, don’t have a pity party. Stop saying, “I’m alone. Nobody loves me; nobody even likes me.” When you do that, you’re just focusing on yourself. Instead, turn your focus outward and build bridges to others. You’ll find there are a lot of lonely people who are also looking for connection. How can you build bridges of connection? One way is by empathizing with other people’s needs. And remember to ask God to help you connect with others. Pray something like this: “Father, help me be a friend to people who need a friend.” What’s causing loneliness in your life? Extreme seasons of transition, separation, rejection, or opposition can lead to devastating feelings of loneliness. For instance, much of the world experienced loneliness during the COVID-19 pandemic. But don’t let difficult times keep you from reaching out to people. Look beyond your own problems and find creative ways to connect with others. Empathy is the antidote to loneliness.
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“He was despised and rejected by mankind, a man of suffering, and familiar with pain. Like one from whom people hide their faces he was despised, and we held him in low esteem.”
Isaiah 53:3 (NIV) If you woke up feeling lonely this morning, God has something to say to you: “I understand exactly how you feel.” God is with you during this difficult season. If you think Jesus doesn’t understand loneliness, you’re wrong. Jesus was despised and rejected by the people he created. He experienced loneliness throughout his entire life. During his final hours, Jesus went to the Garden of Gethsemane to pray. This was an emotional time for him. He knew the very next day he would be crucified on the cross, separated from his Father. Since Jesus had a need for human companionship, he took his three best friends—Peter, James, and John—with him into the garden. He said to them, “I’m very sad . . . Stay here and keep alert with me” (Matthew 26:38 CEB). What did they do? They fell asleep! Jesus came back and said, “Couldn’t you stay alert one hour with me?” (Matthew 26:40 CEB). Jesus must have felt so lonely in that moment. The next day, he was nailed to a cross, where he cried out, “My God, my God, why have you abandoned me?” (Matthew 27:46 GW). Since Jesus was carrying the sins of the world, the Father couldn’t look at sin--at him. He was truly alone. Jesus knows what it’s like to feel lonely. And he wants to relieve your loneliness. He cares about you and wants to help you. Maybe loneliness isn’t an issue for you today. However, you might be surprised by who the lonely people around you are. Loneliness doesn’t care whether you’re beautiful, wealthy, successful, or popular. Even married people can be lonely; some couples never share any true intimacy, closeness, and fellowship. The pandemic has made it clear that no one is immune to loneliness. Eventually, each one of us experiences it. If you’re lonely today, Jesus understands and he wants to give you relief. The ultimate way that Jesus can relieve your loneliness is by making you part of his family. Through his own lonely death and then his Resurrection, Jesus made it possible for you to belong to God’s family. When you’re part of God’s family, you still may face seasons when you feel lonely. But you will never truly be alone again. “I am not really alone, because the Father is with me.”
John 16:32 (GNT) Having the mind of Christ means always being aware that God is with you. We see this in the life of Jesus. Jesus lived in the presence of God and stayed connected to the favor of God. No matter how busy he was, he stayed in tune with the Father. Jesus said, “I am not really alone, because the Father is with me” (John 16:32 GNT). This is why the greatest antidote to loneliness is thinking like Jesus. When you have the mind of Christ, you’ll be able, like him, to say, “I’m not alone, because I know the Father is always with me.” When we feel alone, it’s often the result of not living with the mind of Christ—we’re not aware of God’s constant care. How can you always stay aware of God’s constant care? One way is through prayer. Jesus made prayer a daily habit: “Jesus would often go to some place where he could be alone and pray” (Luke 5:16 CEV). Notice this verse says that Jesus often slipped away so he could pray. You can’t just do that every now and then if you want to have the mind of Christ. Jesus’ prayer life was continual. He made it the priority of his life to be with his Father. It was a habit. Do you stop and pray throughout the day? Do you think your day would go better if you developed this habit? If Jesus felt the need to slip away and pray throughout his day, then think about how much more we need it! When you don’t take the time to talk with God, you miss the gifts of God. It’s not God’s will for you to be too busy for him. In fact, you’ll get more done in every area of your life if you take the time to stop and pray. That doesn’t seem like it should work. If you’re always stopping to pray, how are you going to get more done? You’re going to have focus. You’ll be able to focus your mind and heart on what matters most because you’re taking time to let God’s Spirit remind you through prayer what your purpose is. Jesus Christ knew who he was and what his purpose was. He was always aware of God’s presence. When you get the mind of Christ, you’ll have those things too, and you’ll always be aware that God is with you. “It is not good for the man to be alone” (Genesis 2:18 NIV).
What you often call loneliness is really homesickness for God. You’ve just never recognized it. You were made to have a personal, intimate relationship with Jesus Christ, a relationship that God is dying to have with you. In fact, his Son did die so you could have it. Nothing is ever going to compensate for that—no person, no experience, no drug, no success, no thing, no possession. Nothing is going to fill that aching hole in your heart that God created for himself. He wants you to know him. How do you get to know God?
The real reason so many Christians are lonely is because they’re sitting when they should be serving. All around us is a world full of people who are lonely and waiting to be cared for. That elderly person who hasn’t had a visit in two years. That teenager who is all messed up and wonders, “What am I going to do with my life?” That single adult who goes home every night to a lonely apartment. That widow who has just buried her husband. That employee who heads for the bar every night after work because there’s nothing else to do. The world is full of people waiting to be loved. Stop saying, “I don’t have any friends!” and start saying, “God, who can you use me to minister to? What person can I show your love to?” If all you do is commit yourself to being a friend to lonely people, you’ll live a significant life. That would be a valid, worthy life goal. Get involved in ministry. You will go through lonely times in your life, but you’ll never go through it alone if you have an intimate relationship with Jesus Christ. "The first time I was brought before the judge, no one came with me. Everyone abandoned me. May it not be counted against them” (2 Timothy 4:16 NLT).
Paul, one of the greatest followers of Jesus ever, was on trial in Rome, and not one person stepped forward to defend him. Not one! He was absolutely by himself. Nobody stepped forward to say, “This is a good guy. He’s alright.” Yet Paul didn’t say, “Those jerks—after all I’ve done for them all these years!” Instead, he said, “May it not be counted against them.” In other words, he was not going to let himself become bitter. Because bitterness always makes loneliness worse. This is just one of the ways Paul teaches us how to live when we are going through a season of loneliness. When you feel lonely, you need to minimize your hurt. You need to play it down and pray it up. Don’t rehearse it over and over in your mind. If you do, it just gets bigger and bigger and out of control. Refuse to become resentful, because bitterness will eat you up. Bitterness and loneliness go together because they become a cycle. You become lonely. Then you start feeling bad about it and have a pity party. Then you become bitter. Your bitterness makes you even lonelier, which makes you more bitter. Soon, you’re a hardhearted, depressed person that nobody can get close to. Nobody wants to be around a bitter person. Nobody wants to be around a cynic. Nobody wants to be around a person who is constantly angry. Bitterness will only perpetuate your loneliness. That’s why, when you go through a season of loneliness, you should minimize the hurt. Don’t build a wall around your life. “When you come, be sure to bring the coat I left with Carpus at Troas. Also bring my books, and especially my papers” (2 Timothy 4:13 NLT).
What should you do when you go through a season of loneliness? The answer is illustrated in the life of Paul in 2 Timothy 4, when he was in prison and awaiting his execution. When you go through a season of loneliness, you need to make the most of your time. That means making the best of a bad situation. Resist the temptation to do nothing. Take some action—any kind of action. Try to think of creative ways to take advantage of the seasons in which you are alone. Paul wrote to Timothy from prison and told him, “When you come, be sure to bring the coat I left with Carpus at Troas. Also bring my books, and especially my papers” (2 Timothy 4:13 NLT). In a season of loneliness, you need to be comfortable and productive. Even though he was lonely, Paul didn’t throw a pity party. He didn’t complain or give up. This is Paul, one of the greatest Christians who ever lived after Jesus himself, who won countless people to Christ, and who is completely alone in his final days. What does he do? He makes the best of the situation. He utilizes his time. He says two things:
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