“Love patiently accepts all things. It always trusts, always hopes, and always endures” (1 Corinthians 13:7 NCV).
The world is so negative that the last thing kids need when they come home is more negativity. Colossians 3:21 says, “Do not nag your children. If you are too hard to please, they may want to stop trying” (NCV). Are you an unpleasable parent? If your kids get C’s, do you want B’s—only to want straight A’s when they get B’s? Do you really want them to give up, like the Bible says they might? Unpleasable parents produce insecure children. So how do you raise confident kids? The Bible says in 1 Corinthians 13:7, “Love patiently accepts all things. It always trusts, always hopes, and always endures” (NCV). If you want to raise confident kids, you’ve got to build them up more than you tear them down. You’ve got to give more cheers than jeers. Many parents think, “If I balance it out and give an equal amount of positive to the negative, it will be okay.” No! You need to give about 10 praises for every negative you give. Why? Because the negative is what you remember. If you were to get 10 compliments and one criticism, which one would you go home and remember? If I get 10 cards that say, “That sermon really helped me out a lot” and one that says, “You’re off the wall!” which one do you think I dwell on the most? You’ve got to overemphasize the positive, because you inevitably have to do the negative. All children need somebody in their corner, somebody who’s their cheerleader and believes in them and says, “I know you can do it. I believe in you. I think you’re terrific. You’re the best. Go for it! I’m behind you. I know you can make it.” Kids need the confidence that only a parent can give.
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“Whoever can be trusted with a little can also be trusted with a lot . . . If you cannot be trusted with things that belong to someone else, who will give you things of your own?” (Luke 16:10, 12 NCV).
Kids need experiences that stretch them, reveal their talents, and develop their lives for ministry. They need challenges where they develop responsibility. One of the most important life skills all of us have to learn is responsibility. How do you teach responsibility to your children? There’s only one way: Give them the opportunity. Trust them with responsibility. Will they make mistakes? Absolutely. You did, too, when you were growing up. Will they sometimes be irresponsible? Yes. But if you hold on to responsibility, you’re actually hurting your children. The goal of parenting from the moment your kids are born is to move them from parent control in the early years to self-control in the middle years to God’s control over their lives. That means you have to give up control! When we take responsibility for people, we take it away from people. If you treat your children as babies and don’t let them grow up, you’ll have to diaper them the rest of your life. And you’re filling the world with another codependent person. Many parents have said, “If I had it all to do over again, I’d do less for my children and teach them to do more for themselves.” The only way we grow is by being given challenges that stretch us, develop us, and build responsibility in our lives. The Bible says, “Whoever can be trusted with a little can also be trusted with a lot . . . If you cannot be trusted with things that belong to someone else, who will give you things of your own?” (Luke 16:10, 12 NCV). Kids respond to responsibility. Having talked to many parents over the years and seen this in my own life, I believe that it’s far better to err on the side of giving too much responsibility than not trusting your kids enough. They’re going to make mistakes either way! Your goal is to produce a person who walks not just under his own self-control but also under God’s control. “Let us love one another, for love comes from God” (1 John 4:7 NIV).
If you want to know how to be a good parent and build a strong family, you don’t have to look online or go to a bookstore. Look no further than the greatest book ever written on parenting: God’s Word, the Bible. The Bible says in 1 John 4:7, “Let us love one another, for love comes from God” (NIV). More than anything else, kids need unwavering and unconditional love. There needs to be a place where they’re accepted—warts and all. What is compassion? Compassion is a combination of love and understanding. Compassion is where you know everything about someone and you still like that person. Love is not natural. You have to learn to love. You learn by practicing. What better place to practice than with the people you’re forced to live with all your life? If you can learn to love your family, you can love anybody. Why? Because it’s easy to love people at a distance, but when you’re with them all the time, you don’t always get along. When you practice love in the family, you’re learning to really love. A lot of times we love our kids, but we don’t express it in a way they can understand it. Children understand love in three ways: affection, affirmation, and attention.
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AuthorTaken from Daily Hope by Rick Warren. Categories
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