“Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too. You must have the same attitude that Christ Jesus had.”
Philippians 2:4-5 (NLT) When you meet someone to resolve a conflict, you first have to confess your part of the problem. Then you need to listen for the other person’s hurt and perspective. In every conflict—from our personal relationships to politics—we think we argue over ideas. But we actually argue over emotion. Anytime there’s a conflict, someone’s feelings were hurt; somebody felt abused or slighted. It’s not the idea that causes the conflict. It’s the emotion behind the idea. Hurt people hurt people. The more someone is experiencing hurt, the more likely they are to lash out at everyone else. People who aren’t experiencing hurt don’t hurt others. People who are filled with love are loving toward others. People who are filled with joy are joyful toward others. People who are filled with peace are at peace with everybody else. But people who are filled with hurt are going to hurt others. They’re going to lash out. If you want to connect with people, you must start with their hurts, their needs, and their interests. If you want to be a good salesperson, you don’t start with your product. You start with your customer’s hurts, needs, and interests. If you want to be a good professor or pastor or anything else, you start with people’s needs, hurts, and interests. Philippians 2:4-5 says, “Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too. You must have the same attitude that Christ Jesus had” (NLT). In times of conflict, are you often so busy trying to get others to see your position that you don’t listen to theirs? When each person is just speaking and not listening, you move further and further away from each other emotionally. Instead, you need to intentionally switch your focus from your needs to their needs. Conflict resolution starts with the way you look at the situation. The word “look” in Philippians 2:4 is the Greek word scopos. It’s where we get our words “microscope” and “telescope.” Scopos means “to focus.” The passage goes on to say that you should have the same attitude Jesus had. And you are most like Jesus when you’re focusing on the hurts of somebody else rather than your own. There’s an old proverb that says, “Seek to understand before seeking to be understood.” When you’re focused on the other person’s needs and not your own, you’ll be able to get a better understanding of the situation and move forward with resolving your conflict.
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“Why do you notice the little piece of dust in your friend’s eye, but you don’t notice the big piece of wood in your own eye? . . . You hypocrite! First, take the wood out of your own eye. Then you will see clearly to take the dust out of your friend’s eye.”
Matthew 7:3, 5 (NCV) One of the most important life skills you need to learn is conflict resolution. If you don’t learn it, you’ll spend much of your life miserable—because we’re imperfect people and we have conflict almost every day of our lives. To resolve conflict, you’re going to have to make the first move. And to do that, you’re going to have to ask for God’s help. It takes courage to approach someone you are in conflict with and tell them you want to sit down and work it out. Once you’ve taken that step, you don’t start with what the other person has done wrong; you don’t make accusations or list ways you’ve been hurt. You start with what you’ve done wrong. You can always find something to confess. Even if the conflict is 99.99 percent the other person’s fault, you can admit your part. Maybe it was your poor response or your attitude. Maybe it was the way you walked away. You have weaknesses in your life that others see clearly but you’ve never seen. Those are your blind spots. That’s why you need to come to conflict resolution with a humble heart and begin with your own faults. Jesus said, “Why do you notice the little piece of dust in your friend’s eye, but you don’t notice the big piece of wood in your own eye? . . . You hypocrite! First, take the wood out of your own eye. Then you will see clearly to take the dust out of your friend’s eye” (Matthew 7:3, 5 NCV). What’s the piece of wood in your eye that is keeping you from seeing the situation clearly? Don’t start with all the ways the other person has hurt you until you’ve confessed your part of the conflict first. Did you cause conflict by being insensitive? Or were you overly sensitive? Did you not show compassion for the person who was hurting? Were you being overly demanding? What are your blind spots? Once you figure them out and confess them, you’ll be ready for the next step in conflict resolution. “For as you know him better, he will give you, through his great power, everything you need for living a truly good life: he even shares his own glory and his own goodness with us!”
2 Peter 1:3 (TLB) The vast majority of people pay no attention to eternity. They’re living for the here and now, which is a waste. Everything that’s “here and now” isn’t going to matter in five minutes, much less 50 years—and certainly not for eternity. If we stretched a rope from California to Tokyo, and that represented all of eternity, your life on Earth would be represented by less than one millimeter. So how do you live in light of eternity? You live for God’s glory, because he’s going to share his glory with you in heaven. The Bible says in 2 Peter 1:3, “For as you know him better, he will give you, through his great power, everything you need for living a truly good life: he even shares his own glory and his own goodness with us!” (TLB). You don’t get to choose what’s going to happen to you the rest of your life. But you do get to choose how you respond. You can face the future as a cynic, as a critic, as a pessimist, or as a doubter. You can face the future expecting the worst and experiencing the worst. You can face your future being ungracious to other people, and you can live for your own glory. Or you can face the future with gratitude, generosity, and graciousness and live for God’s glory. Which one do you think will make you happier? Which one do you think will make you more successful? Which one do you think will bring a smile to God and rewards in heaven? Matthew 5:16 says, “Let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven” (ESV). We were created because God wants a family. He wants to spend eternity with his family. He wants to spend eternity with you and me! Heaven is one of the main reasons you can have joy—God has given us eternal life, and living in heaven with him will be amazing! “How can a young person stay on the path of purity? By living according to your word.”
Psalm 119:9 (NIV) Cultures around the world are absolutely obsessed with appearance and image. They’re scooting by, they’re skimming, and they’re cheating. They’re not keeping their promises. They’re pretending to be someone they’re not. They don’t have integrity. In other words, they’re hypocrites. In ancient Greek culture, actors were referred to as hupokrites because they pretended to be someone else. It’s where we get the word “hypocrite.” When you act one way with one group of people and another way with another group of people, you’re being a modern-day hupokrites. You’re showing a lack of authenticity—a lack of integrity. But God wants you to be exactly who he made you to be, no matter who is watching. So how do you—as a follower of Jesus—keep it real when so many people are faking it? There’s only one way. You’ve got to care more about God’s approval than the approval of other people. That’s the only way you’ll ever become a person of integrity. If you care about what God thinks, you’re going to do the right thing. But if you care more about what other people think, you’re often going to do the wrong thing. Psalm 119:9 says, “How can a young person stay on the path of purity? By living according to your word” (NIV). The only way to know what God approves of and what he thinks of you is by reading the Bible. You must stay in God’s Word! If you don’t, you will not have the strength and the stamina to live with integrity. Having a daily quiet time and staying connected to God's Word gives you spiritual power, and strength to live with integrity. Living with integrity takes spiritual power because what is right is often unpopular. On your own, you’ll get tired trying to do the right thing, trying to be real, and trying to keep the right motives—so you need to be equipped and refreshed. Do you want to live as a person of integrity—someone who is the same no matter where you are or who you’re with? Then commit to spending daily time reading and studying the Bible, God’s Word. It’s the only place you’ll find the spiritual power you need. “A righteous person lives on the basis of his integrity. Blessed are his children after he is gone.”
Proverbs 20:7 (GW) The Bible says that God blesses those who have integrity—those who have pure hearts. As Jesus said, “Blessed are the pure in heart” (Matthew 5:8 NIV). So what blessings can you expect when you live your life with authenticity and a pure heart? You’ll have the blessing of personal confidence. When you have integrity, you become the kind of person that other people like to be around because you know who you are and where you’re going. Proverbs 10:9 says, “People with integrity walk safely, but those who follow crooked paths will be exposed” (NLT). When you don’t have integrity, it’s like walking on an icy path after a snowstorm. You’re putting every bit of your energy into trying not to fall. But when you have integrity, you’re standing on solid ground. You’ll have the blessing of a lasting legacy. Your greatest legacy is your integrity because it will last from generation to generation. Everything else you do gets lost. When you’re gone, your money will be divided and spent among your family. Your work will be given to somebody else. All the trophies you’ve earned will be thrown in the trash and taken to the dump. But your character is going to influence the lives of the people around you and even the lives of the next generation. It is a lasting legacy. The Bible says in Proverbs 20:7, “A righteous person lives on the basis of his integrity. Blessed are his children after he is gone” (GW). You’ll have the blessing of rewards in eternity. Matthew 25:21 says, “You are a good and loyal servant. Because you were loyal with small things, I will let you care for much greater things” (NCV). We tend to think that rewards come from the big moments of life, when everybody is watching. But it’s the small moments that reveal real integrity. Every small word of encouragement you give this week will be rewarded in eternity. Every small act of kindness will be rewarded in eternity. Every time you reject a temptation, you will be rewarded in eternity. Integrity is powerful. It makes a difference not just now but for eternity! “The wisdom from above is first of all pure. It is also peace loving, gentle at all times, and willing to yield to others. It is full of mercy.”
James 3:17 (NLT) Would you like to see your relationships transformed? Then become an agent of mercy. Here are seven characteristics of mercy that God wants you to learn and apply in your life: 1. Mercy means being patient with people’s quirks. How do you become more patient with your kids, spouse, coworkers, or friends? You ask God for his wisdom. The Bible says in James 3:17, “The wisdom from above is . . . peace loving, gentle at all times, and willing to yield to others. It is full of mercy” (NLT). 2. Mercy means helping anyone around you who is hurting. You cannot love your neighbor as yourself without being merciful. Proverbs 3:27 says, “Whenever you possibly can, do good to those who need it” (GNT)—and “do it cheerfully” (Romans 12:8 NIV). 3. Mercy means giving people a second chance. When somebody hurts us, we normally want to get even or write that person off. But the Bible says, “Stop being bitter and angry and mad at others . . . Instead, be kind and merciful, and forgive others, just as God forgave you because of Christ” (Ephesians 4:31-32 CEV). 4. Mercy means doing good to those who hurt you. Mercy is giving people what they need, not what they deserve, because that’s what God does with us: “Love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back . . . Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful” (Luke 6:35-36 NIV). 5. Mercy means being kind to those who offend you. You’ve got to be more interested in winning people to Christ than in winning the argument. Jude 1:22-23 says, “Show mercy to those who have doubts . . . even though you are afraid that you might be stained by their sinful lives” (GW). 6. Mercy means building bridges of love to the unpopular. When the Pharisees questioned why Jesus ate with tax collectors and other unpopular people, Jesus said, “‘I want you to show mercy, not offer sacrifices.’ For I have come to call not those who think they are righteous, but those who know they are sinners” (Matthew 9:13 NLT). 7. Mercy means valuing relationships over rules. Romans 13:10 says, “Love fulfills the requirements of God’s law” (NLT). If you want to show mercy, put people before policies. Put their needs before procedures. Put relationships before regulations. Choose love over law. Showing mercy doesn’t always come naturally. And so, in tomorrow’s devotional, we’ll discuss specific ways you can demonstrate mercy in your life. “You must crave pure spiritual milk so that you will grow into a full experience of salvation. Cry out for this nourishment.”
1 Peter 2:2 (NLT) Are you hungry for God? It’s possible to maintain a spiritual hunger for God for the rest of your life. Here are five ways to sustain a spiritual appetite. 1. Remind yourself how much God loves you. The more you understand how much God loves you, the more you’re going to love him. The Bible says in Ephesians 3:18-19, “May you have the power to understand . . . how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love is. May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God” (NLT). 2. Stop filling up on junk food. You are a spiritual being with a God-shaped hole in your heart that only God can fill. When you try to fill it with salary, status, success, passion, possessions, power, prestige, or anything other than God, it’s not going to be fulfilling. Proverbs 15:14 says, “A wise person is hungry for knowledge, while the fool feeds on trash” (NLT). 3. Make knowing God your number one goal. Happiness is a byproduct of knowing God. Jesus says in Matthew 6:33, “Seek first God’s kingdom and what God wants. Then all your other needs will be met as well” (NCV). 4. Get into God’s Word every day. The Bible is food for your soul. Eating just one meal a week won’t keep your body healthy. In the same way, you need to feed on God’s Word every day. “You must crave pure spiritual milk so that you will grow into a full experience of salvation. Cry out for this nourishment” (1 Peter 2:2 NLT). 5. Surround yourself with other believers. If you hang out with people who only care about politics, you’ll care about politics. If you hang out with people who only care about sports, you’ll care about sports. If you hang out with people whose focus is knowing God, that will become your focus too. That’s why you need to join a small group of Christians for support—because whatever you talk about when you’re with others is what you’re going to be hungry for. Proverbs 2:20 says, “Follow the steps of the good, and stay on the paths of the righteous” (NLT). “Please remember what you told your servant Moses: ‘If you are unfaithful to me, I will scatter you among the nations. But if you return to me and obey my commands and live by them . . . I will bring you back to the place I have chosen for my name to be honored.’”
Nehemiah 1:8-9 (NLT) When you pray, it turns your attention toward God and helps you to see that he is bigger and more powerful than any of your concerns. And as you watch God answer your prayers, your faith deepens. Today I want to talk to you about four ways to pray effectively, based on the life of Nehemiah: 1. Base your request on God’s character. Pray like you know God will answer you. You can say something like, “God, I’m expecting you to answer this prayer because of who you are. You are a faithful God. You are a great God. You are a loving God. You are a wonderful God. You can handle this problem!” 2. Confess the sins you’re aware of. That’s what Nehemiah did. He said, “I confess that we have sinned against you. Yes, even my own family and I have sinned! We have sinned terribly by not obeying the commands, decrees, and regulations that you gave us” (Nehemiah 1:6-7 NLT). It wasn’t Nehemiah’s fault that Israel went into captivity. He wasn’t even born when it happened; he was most likely born in captivity. Yet he included himself in the sins of his people. He said, “I’ve been a part of the problem.” 3. Claim the promises of God. Nehemiah prayed to the Lord, saying, “Please remember what you told your servant Moses” (Nehemiah 1:8 NLT). Can you imagine saying “remember” to God? Nehemiah reminded God of a promise made to the nation of Israel. In effect, Nehemiah prayed, “God, you warned through Moses that if we were unfaithful, we would lose the land of Israel. But you also promised that if we’d repent, you’d give it back to us.” Does God have to be reminded? No. Does he forget what he’s promised? No. Then why should you claim God’s promises when you pray? Because it helps you remember what God has promised. 4. Be specific in what you ask for. If you want specific answers to prayer, make specific requests. If your prayers consist of general requests, how will you know if they’re answered? When you pray, you’re submitting yourself to God’s sovereignty, acknowledging that he is active in all the details of your life and able to provide for your every need. But prayer also brings you into alignment with God’s will, helping you understand how and why he answered the way he did. But never doubt this: God answers your prayers. “A woman of gentle grace gets respect.”
Proverbs 11:16 (MSG) Gentleness is a prerequisite to leadership. No matter where you want to be a leader—in church, government, business, home, school, or your community—you first have to be gentle. Proverbs 11:16 says, “A woman of gentle grace gets respect” (MSG)—and that’s true for men too. Gentleness leads to respect, and no one can truly lead without being respected. Jesus was “gentle and humble in heart” (Matthew 11:29 NIV). He was strong in every way. He could make arrogant leaders speechless and overturn tables in the temple. But he never lost his temper. He kept his strength under control. He was gentle. Other than Jesus, only one person in the Bible was called gentle: Moses. You probably think of Moses as a strong leader. He took on Pharaoh, the most powerful man in the world at the time, and demanded that Pharaoh let God’s people go. Moses had nothing but God on his side—and that was enough for him. But before Moses was a leader, Moses was gentle. Here’s what the Bible says about Moses: “Now the man Moses was very humble (gentle, kind, devoid of self-righteousness), more than any man who was on the face of the earth” (Numbers 12:3 AMP). But it’s likely that gentleness didn’t come naturally for Moses. His persistent sin was uncontrolled anger; he had a violent temper, and he had trouble managing it. One time Moses got so angry that he killed an Egyptian. When Moses came down from the mountain after receiving the Ten Commandments, he found the Hebrew people worshiping an idol. He was so angry that he threw down the Ten Commandments and broke them. And anger was what kept Moses from entering the Promised Land. So how could the guy who had a lifelong problem with anger be the only one in the Bible besides Jesus who is called gentle? Because Moses was teachable. When people spoke to him about areas of his life that needed changing, it didn’t make him angry. Instead, he learned from them. He was gentle. And that gentleness earned him respect. And that respect made him a leader. Maybe you struggle with anger like Moses. Or maybe you’re too submissive, or impatient, or lazy. Whatever you struggle with, choose to have a gentle, teachable spirit. You’ll find that your gentleness earns you the respect of the people around you. “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”
Proverbs 15:1 (NIV) Have you noticed that human beings have a tendency to mimic other people’s emotions, especially if we’re sitting or standing right across from them? The reason we do this is because of mirror neurons in our brains that allow us to sympathize and to mirror what other people feel. For instance, if somebody gets angry with you, you get angry back. If somebody is really miserable and you hang around that person long enough, you get miserable too. In the same way, when someone raises their voice against you, you usually raise your voice back. Then they raise their voice higher. Then you raise your voice higher. Then pretty soon things have escalated, and your emotions are out of control. But the Bible offers a different way to respond: “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger” (Proverbs 15:1 NIV). Here's a little tip that will save you a lot of heartache and conflict in your marriage, in your parenting, in your friendships, and at work: When another person raises their voice, lower yours. When you do that, you’re demonstrating strength under control. Another word for strength under control is gentleness. Gentleness defuses conflict. It de-escalates anger. A gentle person does not overreact and is not driven by their emotions. A gentle person demonstrates strength under control. The Greek word in the Bible for “gentleness” is the word prautes. Some older English translations of the Bible translate prautes as “meek.” The word “meek” isn’t used much anymore because meek has become a synonym for weak. But gentleness—or prautes—is anything but weak. In fact, the word prautes was used to refer to a wild stallion that had been tamed. Think about that image. If you go out in the hills and find a wild stallion, it’s unbridled and even dangerous, with a strength that could kill you pretty quickly. But if you tame that stallion, it’s still just as strong, but the strength is brought under control. The strength is bottled up for the master’s use. When you learn true gentleness as a man or woman of God, you don’t become weak. You just bring your strength under God’s control and use it for his purposes. |
AuthorTaken from Daily Hope by Rick Warren. Categories
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