“Be careful how you live. Don't live like fools, but like those who are wise. Make the most of every opportunity in these evil days.”
Ephesians 5:15-16 (NLT) Time is your most precious commodity. You only have a limited amount of it! It’s estimated that people will live an average of 72 years, or 26,000 days. You may think you’ve got plenty of days left, but, if you’re over 27, you’ve already passed 10,000 days. You’re not getting any of those days back, and that’s what makes time your most precious resource. You can always get more money. You can always get more energy. But you cannot create more time. You have a certain number of days in your life, and that’s it. When you spend them, they’re gone. So life management is really time management. If you learn to manage your time, then you learn to manage your life. “Be careful how you live. Don’t live like fools, but like those who are wise. Make the most of every opportunity in these evil days” (Ephesians 5:15-16 NLT). The opposite of careful is careless. The Bible tells you not to be careless with your life. Be careful. That means you should be intentional and deliberate with your time. I like to call it being purpose driven! Do you know what it looks like to be careless with your time? On average, people spend three hours and 15 minutes on their phone a day. And Americans spend more than five hours a day on their phones and check them an average of 58 times a day! That’s 35 hours a week that we’ve devoted to staring at a tiny screen—and that doesn’t include time spent on the computer or watching TV. Of course, not all of that time is fruitless. But being careful with your time means being aware of how you spend it and of whether you are spending it on things that really matter. “Someone may say, ‘I’m allowed to do anything,’ but not everything is helpful. I’m allowed to do anything, but not everything encourages growth” (1 Corinthians 10:23 GW). It’s not a sin for you to spend five hours watching cute cat videos on YouTube. But it might not be the best use of your time. Some things aren’t necessarily wrong. They’re just not necessary. It may not be wrong, but is it worth giving your life for? Be careful with your days. You only have so many.
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“Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.”
Ephesians 4:29 (NIV) It’s important to remember in any conversation the same truth that applies to every other area of your life: It’s not about you. What do you think is going to happen if you start a conversation with your agenda, your hurt, your complaint, or your problem? You’re not going to get very far! Every conversation should start by empathizing with the needs of the other person. What are their hurts? What are their interests? What are their fears? What are their problems? “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen” (Ephesians 4:29 NIV). There are four commands in this verse: Speak only what is helpful, build others up, defer to others’ needs, and benefit others. None of those commands are about you. You’ll get your turn at some point. You’ll have your chance to speak your frustration or fear or need or opinion—but don’t start there. Here’s how to start: When you sit down to the conversation, say, “You go first.” Then let them speak without any interruption. Don’t ask questions. Don’t ask for clarification. Don’t challenge. Take notes if necessary. But just let them speak. That shows you’re aware. That shows you’re paying attention. That shows you care. There’s another way to show you care: Summarize what the other person said. You say, “Let me repeat back to you what I think I heard you say.” You paraphrase what you heard them saying so that they can affirm or correct you and maintain healthy communication. This shows them that you cared enough to listen and also to make sure they were understood. It’s a powerful way to show love in any relationship. It’s human nature to want to focus on yourself. But the sign of a master communicator is having enough humility to make the other person the focus of the conversation and make them feel heard and understood. “Sympathize with each other. Love each other as brothers and sisters. Be tenderhearted, and keep a humble attitude.”
1 Peter 3:8 (NLT) What people say in a conversation is not nearly as important as what they are feeling. Many times, someone is saying one thing and feeling another. If you’re going to be a great listener, then you need to look past people’s words, even when what they’re saying is offensive. Hurt people hurt people, and words are an effective weapon. When people lash out or get defensive, it’s often because they’re afraid, insecure, or frustrated. And you know what? Once you recognize people may be feeling those things, it’s much easier to focus on listening to what they’re really trying to say. It’s much harder to be sympathetic when you think people are saying something unkind because they’re just spiteful or mean. Words don’t always give you the whole picture. You sometimes have to look for the open nerve. You have to look at what someone has experienced. You have to ask why this issue may be a big deal to the person. You listen for the pain, understanding that sometimes the pain doesn’t have anything to do with you. Some pain is so deep it clouds every interaction someone has. The words may just be a mask for pain. Learning to listen in love means looking past the things people are saying to what they might be feeling. “Sympathize with each other. Love each other as brothers and sisters. Be tenderhearted, and keep a humble attitude” (1 Peter 3:8 NLT). When you’re humble, you’re open to new ideas. When you’re loving and sympathetic, you don’t bite back. If people get angry with you, you know to look past their anger and ask, “What are they afraid of? What are they anxious or fearful about? What has hurt them?” You won’t always know people well enough to figure out exactly what’s pressing on their nerves. You may not be able to figure out what’s going on with their emotions. When that happens, you just have to give them the benefit of the doubt. You have to choose humility and kindness over getting the last word. You have to give people grace instead of getting even or making your point. Even when faced with harsh words, a great listener always chooses love. |
AuthorTaken from Daily Hope by Rick Warren. Categories
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