“Love has no fear, because perfect love expels all fear. If we are afraid . . . this shows that we have not fully experienced his perfect love."
1 John 4:18 (NLT) Insecurity ruins relationships. But when you open your life to others, even though they could potentially hurt you, you’ll come alive in ways you’ve never experienced before. Why does insecurity ruin relationships? Because it prevents intimacy. You long to be close, but you also fear being close. You long to have intimacy with others, but it also scares you to death. You can’t get close to someone if there’s fear in the relationship. This is why living together doesn’t work in the long run. There’s no lifetime commitment. You never know when somebody is going to walk out. But fear vanishes, and intimacy—real intimacy—rises when two people say, “We’re committed no matter what. We’re going to make this thing work.” What do you fear in your relationships? Maybe you don’t want people to find out what you’re really like—so you hide yourself. This is the oldest fear, all the way back to Adam, the first man. He said, “I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid” (Genesis 3:10 NIV). When you’re afraid, you get insecure and hide who you are. You cover up, not just physically but emotionally. You build walls around yourself and pretend to be someone you’re not. But while insecurity ruins relationships, love builds them up. The Bible says in 1 John 4:18, “Love has no fear, because perfect love expels all fear. If we are afraid . . . this shows that we have not fully experienced his perfect love” (NLT). Love takes the focus off you and puts the focus on the other person. But the only way to love others is to realize that God loves you more than you can ever imagine. Suddenly, you don’t have to prove yourself to anyone anymore, and your identity and self-worth aren’t caught up in what others think. Instead, they’re caught up in your relationship with Jesus. You may have had some relational disasters in your life. Welcome to the human race. But in order to open up to others and fight insecurity, God wants you to first open up to Jesus, letting him fill you with his love so you can share it with others.
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“You have left the love you had in the beginning. So remember where you were before you fell. Change your hearts and do what you did at first.”
Revelation 2:4-5 (NCV) At first glance you may not think the book of Revelation—with its images of beasts, lambs, and angels—has anything to do with romance and the kind of affection needed to sustain a growing marriage. But it does. In Revelation 2:4-5, Jesus used an analogy from romantic love to describe a church that had gone astray. Jesus said to the church of Laodicea: “You have left the love you had in the beginning. So remember where you were before you fell. Change your hearts and do what you did at first” (NCV). It’s not only churches that drift from their original love. Marriages and other significant relationships can drift away from the love that first drew them together. The four things that Jesus tells the Laodiceans to do can help you to recapture your marriage relationship too: remember, return, repent, and repeat. And if you’re not married, you can also apply these same principles to other relationships in your life, like your family or very close friendships. 1. Remember. Think about what you did in your first days together that made you fall in love. Think about the happy days. Stop thinking about all the problems you have now and remember how your love began. 2. Return. Return your focus to God. It’s easy to let your focus drift to your problems, pressures, stresses, and career. But if you want to return to your first love, you need to turn your attention back to God. 3. Repent. Choose to change how you think and act. Love isn’t a feeling, but it creates feelings—sometimes enormous feelings. Love is a choice. It’s a commitment to put someone else’s best interest over your own. Anything other than that isn’t love. If love were simply a feeling, God couldn’t command it. Yet God commands us over and over in his Word to choose to love others (including our spouses). If you haven’t been loving your spouse like Jesus would, make a choice to start doing that today—that’s repentance. 4. Repeat. Do what you did when you first fell in love. Feelings always follow actions. It’s easier to act your way into a feeling than to feel your way into an action. If you wait to feel affectionate and romantic, the devil will make sure you never feel it. Choose to act in a loving way, and the feelings will come back. The kind of affection that leads to a lasting relationship inevitably seeps out of almost every marriage eventually. The question is: How will you respond when that happens? Don’t continue to drift apart from the one you love. Instead, choose to rekindle your love as you remember, return, repent, and repeat. “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.”
Romans 12:18 (NIV) One of the most important skills you can develop as you walk with Christ is to love difficult people. Here are four loving responses Jesus modeled when he encountered difficult people:
You encounter difficult people every day. And you’ll often be tempted to react in negative ways. Instead, try loving them through these four responses. You’ll find your relationships strengthened and your character becoming more like Jesus. “A person’s wisdom yields patience; it is to one’s glory to overlook an offense.”
Proverbs 19:11 (NIV) When you’re dealing with people who are offensive or irritating, you need to look past the behavior to the pain. Everything we do is motivated by something. When people hurt others, it’s because they’re hurting on the inside. Hurt people hurt people. The more you understand about other people’s backgrounds, the more grace you’ll show them. Think of a person you find to be difficult or irritating. You probably know nothing about their background, so you don’t cut them any slack. You don’t know that maybe they lost their parents at a young age. You don’t know that maybe they were molested. You don’t know that they’ve gone through two marriages and their spouse just walked out on them. You don’t know their story, and that’s part of why you’re not showing them any grace. The Bible says in Proverbs 19:11, “A person’s wisdom yields patience; it is to one’s glory to overlook an offense” (NIV). It’s easy to take offense from people you find difficult. But when you’re wise, you don’t get offended easily. Why? Because wisdom gives you patience. When you patiently take the time to understand someone’s background, you understand the stress they’re under—and it’s easier to show grace. Your understanding gives you patience to overlook the offense. What I’m talking about here is real love. In fact, the Bible says refusing to be offended by other people is actually an act of mature love. The more love you have in your heart, the harder it is for someone to personally offend you. The less love you have in your heart, the more insecure you feel and the easier it is to offend you. Proverbs 10:12 says, “Hatred stirs up strife, but love covers all offenses.” (ESV). The more you’re filled with love, the less you’ll be upset when people are demanding, demeaning, or disapproving. When you encounter a difficult person, remember to do this: Look past the behavior to the pain. Then refuse to be offended and, instead, respond in love. “I love you with an everlasting love.”
Jeremiah 31:3 (GW) Nothing you’ve ever done or will ever do can stop God from loving you. God said in Jeremiah 31:3, “I love you with an everlasting love” (GW). Do you know how long everlasting is? It’s forever. You can’t make God stop loving you; he will love you forever. His love isn’t based on what you do. It’s based on who he is. The only reason you’re alive is because God made you to love you. That’s why God sent his Son: “For this is how God loved the world: He gave his one and only Son, so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life” (John 3:16 NLT). God wants you to know his love. Even more, he wants you to feel his love. God’s love will transform you when you feel it. It turns somebody who is hateful, bigoted, or racist into a kind, gentle, and loving person. When God’s love hits your heart, it changes you. If your life hasn’t changed, then you don’t know God. You can’t have somebody as big as God come into your life and not be changed by it. When God’s love comes into your life, it changes how you react to everyone else. When you truly understand and experience the love of God, you can’t help but pass it on to others. In fact, Jesus described it like this: “I give you a new command: Love one another. Just as I have loved you, you must also love one another. By this all people will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another” (John 13:34-35 HCSB). But it starts with God’s love for us. The most amazing conversion in the Bible is of a guy named Saul, who was a religious extremist that killed Christians. One day, on his way to Damascus, he encountered the resurrected Jesus. Jesus said to Saul, “Why are you persecuting me?” Saul fell to his knees and said, “My Lord and my God.” The man who had once been a religious extremist became the apostle of love. Saul, now known as Paul, wrote most of the New Testament, including some of the most beautiful words on love ever written, 1 Corinthians 13. The everlasting, completely free love of God will do that. It changes lives. Has it changed yours? “God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”
Romans 5:8 (NIV) Few people are willing to suffer for someone else. But Jesus was. In fact, he didn’t suffer for just one person; he chose to suffer for all the people in the world! John 19 describes some of Jesus’ suffering: “After this, Jesus knew that everything had been done. So that the Scripture would come true, he said, ‘I am thirsty.’ There was a jar full of vinegar there, so the soldiers soaked a sponge in it, put the sponge on a branch of a hyssop plant, and lifted it to Jesus’ mouth” (John 19:28-29 NCV). Jesus was in agony on the cross—and he was thirsty. He was suffering not just from pain but also from great thirst. Jesus didn’t deserve to suffer for everyone’s sin. We each deserve to suffer for our own sins. But Jesus was willing to suffer and thirst for you so that you can go to heaven. Jesus did nothing wrong. He committed no crimes. He didn’t hurt anyone. He lived a perfect life. So why did they kill him? Jesus died for the redemption of others. He was thirsty for your benefit. “God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us” (Romans 5:8 NIV). Jesus’ love for you is so great, so deep, and so wide that he was willing to take your sin as his own and cover it with his righteousness. Your sin cost him his life. He considers you worth it! It’s hard to wrap our minds around that kind of love, but maybe this story will help: In 1987, Northwest Airlines Flight 255 took off from the Detroit Metropolitan Airport. Twenty seconds later it crashed and killed 156 people. Only one person survived—a 4-year-old girl named Cecelia from Tempe, Arizona. How did she make it when everyone else died? Rescuers pieced together what likely happened. Evidently, when the passengers realized they were going to crash, Cecelia’s mother took off her seatbelt, turned around, and got in front of her child. She surrounded her with her body, covering her in her love, protecting her little girl. The mother gave her life for another. That’s what Jesus did for you! He suffered so that you don’t have to. He went through hell on the cross so you don’t have to go through hell for eternity. He covered you and protected you from the punishment, flames, and pain. Jesus willingly died so you could have eternal life. He chose to suffer to buy your redemption. You never have to wonder how much God loves you. He’s already shown you on the cross! “Instead, we will speak the truth in love, growing in every way more and more like Christ, who is the head of his body, the church.”
Ephesians 4:15 (NLT) Christians often use the truth as a weapon. But the Bible never says God wants you to use the truth as a club. He doesn’t want you to beat people up theologically, politically, or personally. You must use the truth tactfully—in other words, use truth in love. “Instead, we will speak the truth in love, growing in every way more and more like Christ, who is the head of his body, the church” (Ephesians 4:15 NLT). Think of somebody that you would like to help make a change. You need to realize people change faster and more easily when the truth is wrapped in love. Without love, truth is always seen as an attack. If you say something offensively, guess what? It’s going to be received defensively. You’re never going to get anywhere! Ephesians 4:29 says, “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen” (NIV). If it’s not helpful, don’t say it. If it’s only for your benefit, don’t say it. If you want to just get something off your chest, don’t say that you’re speaking the truth in love. If you want to put somebody down and club somebody with the truth, don’t say that you’re speaking the truth in love. Speak only what is helpful for building people up according to their needs, so that it benefits them. Those are the qualifications of speaking the truth in love. Now, just because you’re ready to share the truth doesn’t mean the other person is ready to hear it. Ask yourself if someone is ready to receive a truth; that’s part of loving them. The Bible says, “Thoughtless words can wound as deeply as any sword, but wisely spoken words can heal” (Proverbs 12:18 GNT). Do you want to heal, or do you want to wound? Do you want to help, or do you want to hurt? When you’re in a conflict, the solution is not deception but tact. You have a choice to either hurt or heal, to either make a point or make an enemy. How do you know when you’re speaking the truth in love? It’s pretty simple: Just ask yourself for whose benefit are saying something. If you’re speaking the truth for someone else’s benefit, then God will honor your words and use them for good. “Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.”
Romans 12:21 (NIV) There may not be anything more counter-cultural in the world today than responding to evil with good. And because it’s so counter-cultural, it can be one of the hardest things to do. When someone is trying to make trouble in your life, you need to respond positively. “Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good” (Romans 12:21 NIV). That’s a step of faith, isn’t it? Because everything in you probably wants to overcome evil with evil and fight darkness with more darkness. That’s what the world tells you to do: Fight dirty. That’s why it takes faith to go against what your flesh and culture are telling you to do and instead trust in God and respond to darkness with his light. You fight darkness with light. You fight hatred with love. You fight unkindness with kindness. You don’t let evil overcome you. You overcome evil with good. That’s tough to do. But it gets even tougher: “Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you” (Matthew 5:44 NIV). Is that easy? No. Is it unusual? Yes. Is it a choice? Absolutely. It’s your choice to be better than the bully. Choosing light over darkness means walking the way of Jesus. And Jesus wouldn’t just walk away from a fight and forget. He would lay down his life if that’s what he needed to do to show how much he loves someone—and that’s exactly what he did. God doesn’t want you to retaliate. He also wants you to do good. He wants you to show love to even the hardest hearts by praying for them and asking God to give them hearts like his. Jesus gave us the greatest example of responding in love and praying for enemies. When you follow his example, you’re going to stand out in a world where everyone thinks of themselves first. Taking the step of faith to overcome evil with good will not always be easy, but it will make you a powerful witness for Jesus. “We must show love through actions that are sincere, not through empty words.”
1 John 3:18 (GW) This Christmas give the gift of your time. Time is your most precious commodity because your time is your life. You only have a certain amount of it. God has already decided the number of days you are going to live. And you’re not going to get any more. You can always get more money, but you cannot get more time. So, when you give someone your time, you are giving that person a portion of your life that you will never get back. That’s why it’s a priceless gift. If nothing else, 2020 has reminded us that relationships should always take priority in our lives. But the truth is that many relationships are starved for time. People may live in the same home, but they pass each other like ships in the night, with a goodbye kiss here and there. Relationships die when time together dries up. Many things can rob a relationship of the time it needs to thrive. Work can rob a relationship. Activity can rob a relationship. Hobbies can rob a relationship. Even too much church involvement or ministry can rob a relationship. You may wonder, “How can I have more time for those I love?” Start by turning off the TV and setting down your phone! Those two simple changes will help you make time for others a priority. This Christmas slow down and make the time—give your time—for your family and for the other people God brings into your life. God has given you the gift of time so that you can give it away to other people. “Wherever God's love is, there is no fear, because God’s perfect love drives out fear.”
1 John 4:18 (NCV) A lot of people think the opposite of fear is faith. It’s not! The opposite of fear is love. Love moves against fear. When love comes in the front door of your heart, fear goes out the back door. You can’t be afraid and loving at the same time—not with real love. When you have real love—God’s love—then you don’t have to fear. People don’t run into a burning building to rescue children because of faith. They do it because of love. Parents will put their lives at risk to protect their families because they love their babies. If love is the motivation of everything you do, then fear is going to disappear. “Wherever God’s love is, there is no fear, because God’s perfect love drives out fear” (1 John 4:18 NCV). When you start feeling fear rise up in you—maybe something you have to do is making you nervous—you need to pause at that moment. Then focus on how much God loves you. You may need to remind yourself out loud: “God, you really love me! You’re on my side. You want me to succeed in this. I’m going to do it in your strength and with your love.” God doesn’t want you to fail. He wants you to succeed at what you’re doing in life and fulfill your purpose. When you focus on his love, you won’t be afraid. Perfect love casts out all fear! When you’re fearful, you’re focusing totally on yourself. That’s not love! When you’re loving, you’re focused not on yourself but on what other people need. The more loving you are, the less fearful you are. So, if you make love your motivation for what you do, you’re not going to be afraid to do it. Make love your motivation, and move against your fear. |
AuthorTaken from Daily Hope by Rick Warren. Categories
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